Seven
by DiabloVixen
Summary: Five Years Since Graduation and New Direction Reunites for a Weekend Lock-in at McKinley. They try to solve the mysteries behind their old friends including whats going on between Finn and Rachel and what happened to Santana. Brittany's POV.
1. Friday: Part I

**FRIDAY – Part I**

_**Story Summary: "**_**I had always thought we were a family, and families were supposed to stick together no matter what. "**_**It's been Five years since graduation. The members of New Direction have lost touch and been scattered all over the country. They are brought together for one long weekend where scores are settled and questions are answered. What happened between Brittany and Santana? What secrets are Santana and Rachel hiding?**_

"A ha!" I shouted triumphantly to my empty bedroom. I pulled the red and white duffel bag from the bottom of my closet. Some sneakers and old t-shirts fell out but I just kicked them right back in. I unfolded the duffle bag and held it up to read the black bold letters on the side. 'Cherrios.' Of course I had my own duffle bag that I brought with me straight from New York, but I felt it was oddly necessary to show up to this _New Directions Lock-in Weekend Sleepover Thinger_ with my old cheerleading bag. (I'm pretty sure that's not the official name).

I only spent a short couple of months without this trustly duffel bag strapped to my side. That was only after Coach Slyvester had tried to shoot me out of a cannon. I unfolded the bag on my bed but it crumpled back into a heap. Whatever, it would stand up once I started packing it. I grabbed a handful of clothes from the shiny new duffel bag and forced the Cherrios bag open with my free hand. I heard something scratching along the bottom of the bag. I chased it until I wrapped my fingers around it.

I inspected the tiny ring in my hand. It was shiny blue with little silver notches along the side, like someone had scrapped it with the flat end of a screwdriver. It was one of those rings you get for a quarter out of those machines at the grocery store. All I wanted was one of those little finger puppet monsters. The one with its mouth open with poorly painted teeth and its arms flapped with you moved your hand up and down. I only had the one quarter and all I got was this dumb ring. I cried but Santana comforted me and told me that maybe I'll get a finger monster another day. For my next birthday she bought me a supply of them in each and every color. Apparently you can send away for them. I wished I had known that.

I chucked the ring back into the bottom of the bag and piled my clothes onto it. I finished packing and zipped up the bag just as my mom pushed open my door.

"Are you going to eat dinner before you head over?" My mom asked.

"No, Rachel asked me to get there a little early to help set up." I swung the bag over my shoulder.

"Oh okay." My mom looked at me. She looked like she wanted to say more so I just waited. "Is _all_ of the old glee club going to be there?"

I nodded my head. That was a weird question.

"Even Santana." She asked

I just nodded again. Especially Santana. I don't know what that meant but I wanted her to be there. I was almost giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing her. So we weren't a couple anymore but she was still my best friend and she was like my family, and family always stay together even if they don't see each other for a while.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" My mom asked. She took a step towards me with a look of concern in her eyes. Why was she being so weird?_ I_ broke up with _her_, shouldn't she be asking if Santana would be okay.

I think my mom knew I was confused because she spoke again. "Its just that you and Santana have drifted far apart from each other these past few years."

I nodded my head again because it was true. We did drift apart but it was long before we broke up. I was all the way in New York and Santana insisted on staying at some local community college. It was the start of Santana's weirdness. Her parents had stashed away a hefty college fund for her but she insisted on a cheap two-year program. She never told me why and I never pushed her. I always thought Santana would tell me anything, as long as I gave her some time.

The topic was never addressed on her visits to New York or my visits home, and when it was brought up she would just brush it off and move on. I was fine with Santana having her one secret as long as I had the rest of her but then Sophomore year of college she sort of fell off the face of the earth. It was during the winter because I remember I had called Santana all excited about making the first cut of the Rockette try-outs but she never answered. I called her again about the second and the third cuts and still no answer. I didn't hear from Santana for another week and even then she was distant and her answers were short and usually one word. She sounded tired like she hadn't been sleeping and little bit out of it but I attributed that too much studying.

She didn't come to visit again that year and when I came home for the holidays she was distant. It was like her body was sitting right next to me but her mind was off in another land. I knew she was hiding something. Her secret about staying home for college had to be darker than I thought. I was scared for her. I tried every question I could think of trying to guess what was wrong. Her parents weren't having money troubles, her parents didn't take away her trust fund last she checked, and no one was sick. I gave up on my questions and tried to kiss her but she pushed me away, saying she really wanted to watch The Jungle Book this time.

I didn't work up the nerve to speak about her attitude until she was dropping me off at the airport at the end of winter break.

_She pulled into the passenger drop off and shifted the car into park. _

"_Santana what's wrong?" I whipped around from the passenger's seat and tried to face my entire body towards her. She jumped a little but I wasn't sure if it was because of my body facing her or because of the question._

"_Nothing." She smiled but it was forced and her eyes betrayed her._

"_Santana." I started. "You've been distant the entire vacation. It's so obvious that something is going on with you, please just tell me." I was begging her. I felt tears well up in my eyes._

"_Baby, everything is fine." She reached for my hand. Her eyes were lying again._

_I ripped my hand away. Her tone was infuriating like she was treating me like a child, like she was protecting me from the big bad monsters. Santana had always defended me but she never once treated me like a child. Not until now._

"_Brittany." She cocked her head. Her tone was still the same. Angry tears fell down my cheeks. _

"_I think we need a break." I said. The words pretty much fell out of my mouth but they were right, maybe Santana needed a break from me, maybe that was the problem._

"_Brittany-" Her voice was broken and cracked now. Maybe that wasn't what was going on with her. I wanted to take it back. Santana looked down at her lap and opened her mouth to speak. "Brittany I-"_

_Someone pounded a fist on the side of Santana's car and with both jumped. Santana turned and lowered her window._

_A man with poked his head through the window._

"_This is a drop-off zone. You can't park here." He said._

_Santana nodded and rolled up her window. She wrapped her hands around the steering wheel and her knuckles went white, she looked over at me but she didn't say anything. _

"_Maybe it's for the best." I said. I hopped out of the car and grabbed my suitcase from the back seat. I slammed the door and headed straight for the check-in counter without turning back towards the car._

"Brittany?" My mom spoke again and woke me up from my memories.

"It'll be fine, mom." I smiled at her and she smiled back. Her eyebrows were still furrowed in worry.

"Its just that-" Her smiled faded and she looked down at her feet and chose her words carefully. "A lot can change in three years." She said.

"I know." I said. I brushed past her and out my bedroom. 


	2. Friday: Part II

My car brakes squeaked as I slowed into another stoplight I checked myself in the rearview mirror again. I tucked loose hairs behind my ear and smiled wide. I frowned and picked a poppy seed out from between my two front teeth. _Stupid bagel._

I pulled into the empty parking lot of McKinley high. I was surprised at how quiet the school seemed, I forgot that I had never been here during the summer, except for those early morning Cherrios' practices but the parking lot was usually pretty packed by the time I got here and I was almost always with Santana. I glanced over at the empty passengers seat looking for a person I knew wasn't there. I gripped the steering wheel just a little bit tighter and turned into a parking spot.

Thinking about glee club and the Cherrios made tears well up in the back of my throat. Its not that I was one of those people that would sit in a rocking chair, blowing cigarette smoke at my grandchildren and telling them how my high school years were the best years of my life and it was all downhill from there. That wasn't true. I had always thought the glee club was a family and families were supposed to stick together no matter what but we didn't stick together.

That's why I was so happy when I got that message from Rachel about the glee club reunion. A whole weekend locked inside the school with nothing but each other, regular pizza deliveries and I'm hopping the piano. I loved that piano it was so much fun to dance on.

I checked the clock in my car. 5:30. Perfect. I was on time, at least my first glee club flashback wouldn't be a scolding from Rachel. I looked around and I didn't see Rachel's car. She was late.

"My, my times have changed." I said to myself since there was no one else to talk to. I decided to wait by the door since it was a nice day out and I was getting antsy sitting in my car.

As soon as I stepped out I heard music blaring. I turned towards the sound and saw the front end of a car I didn't see before, it was hiding behind the trunk of a huge oak tree. I edged towards the car, the bass of the music started to shake the ground underneath my feet. How did I not hear this before?

As I got closer I could hear parts of the car shake and raddle with each beat of the drum. I recognized the beat but didn't really remember the song. It wasn't really my type of music anyway. I never thought it was Rachel's either but I guess other things had changed too. I was closer now and could see Rachel leaned back against her seat. She looked like she was sleeping.

How could she sleep with music this loud? Rachel must have changed a lot in these five years. I was just near the edge of the door. I was tiptoeing so I didn't wake her up or scare her but then I thought that was silly, she wouldn't hear me even if I had a marching band with me. Now that I was closer I could make out the lyrics.

**So what if you can see the darkest side of me,**

**No one will ever change this animal I have become.**

I saw Rachel's arm hanging out the car window. It wasn't cradled or anything, it was just dangling and lifeless. I thought of those crime shows where people find dead bodies and I feel like it starts just like this. I started to panic. I ran up and slammed my hands on the door as I peeked my head in.

"RACHEL?" I had tried to talk over the music but it just stopped to switch songs and I just ended up screaming.

The body jerked awake and gasped. Almond eyes opened on me and a face scrunched in confusion.

"Santana?" I said it lower now so I didn't scare her again but another song has already started and my voice got lost.

I saw her glance fall to her front seat. I followed it but she already grabbed whatever had been there and had it balled up in her fist.

Santana reached up and finally lowered the music. She didn't turn it completely off but I barely heard the beat and I realized that my eardrums were throbbing. How could she sleep? So I asked her.

"How can you sleep with that?"

She just shrugged and let out a laugh, but it was a hallow laugh, forced and uncomfortable.

I wondered if she still has that same Santana laugh that I remembered and if I'd get to hear it ever again. I felt myself frowning so I forced a smile back on my face. Santana looked worried and I wasn't sure why. I noticed the bags under her eyes and I wondered if she's been sleeping at all? Maybe that's why she could sleep with that music playing. She turned her car off and stepped out. I saw her slip whatever she had in her hand to her pocket but I made myself look away so I didn't see what it was. It seemed like it was a secret. She didn't look at me as she headed for the entrance to the high school.

"Are you here early to help Rachel too?" I asked Santana. It took a few steps and a half hop to catch up to her. She glanced sideways at me and kind of half smiled. Or more of quarter smiled since I only saw half of her face.

"Yeah, kinda." She answered.

I could tell she was uncomfortable again. I wished she wouldn't be. I wondered if I should have told her that.

"Cooool." I said. I dragged out the word as I looked around to see if I Rachel was pulling into the parking lot. "Rachel's late."

"Oh, no. She's inside." Santana said. She still wasn't looking at me.

I stopped and I looked around trying to see where I missed Rachel's car.

"Oh no." Santana said. I turned to Santana and I saw that she stopped a few steps ahead of me and turned around to watch me. We met eyes for a second before she turned away and walked back towards the school. "I drove."

I don't think that's weird but the way Santana said it and then hugged herself made me want to ask about it. "You drove Rachel?"

"Uh Yeah." Santana pulled open the door and I followed her inside. I wanted to ask her more questions because I was so confused but I saw Rachel standing just down the hallway.

"There you are!" Rachel called out. Her voice sounded agitated. I let out a sigh. I thought I was going to avoid this.

"I'm on time!" I said. I held up my wrist but I don't wear watches so it didn't help.

"Not you." She said to me. "You." She looked at Santana. I looked over at her too. She gave a small shrug.

"You were supposed to help me get the chairs out of storage." Rachel continued. She put her hands on her hip and she totally looked like my mom.

"I'll help you." I said. I forgot I was still staring at Santana and she kind of looked at me except she wasn't really looking at me, more of looking in my general direction.

"Perfect." Rachel says. She let out a puff of air towards Santana and walked down the hallway. I waited for Santana to catch up to me and we walked in stride behind her.

"She hasn't changed much. Has she?" I whispered to Santana.

She shook her head 'no' and let out a low laugh. It wasn't quite the Santana laugh but it was closer then the one in the car.

It took each of us three trips to carry the old red chairs to the choir room and the new chairs back. Santana complained that this was stupid since the new chairs were more comfy anyway but Rachel said she wanted everything to be 'authentic.' I didn't say anything because the new chairs looked way plusher then the plastic round ones but I liked the way the room looked with the old chairs.

"So what have you been up to?" I asked Santana as we laid down the last chair.

Santana eyes darted around the room before Rachel walked in a second later.

"No, no, no, didn't you get my message?" Rachel said.

I frowned at her. "About the songs?" I asked.

Rachel had given us an "assignment" basically we were going to perform a song to reflect on what we have been doing with our lives lately. The assignment was simply titled "the last 5 years." It was super vague and super hard. It took me a week to finally get an idea together.

"Yes, about the songs! Don't talk about what you've been up to until the performances or you'll ruin the surprise!" Rachel said.


	3. Friday: Part III

**/*Songs performed (in order) **

** Who Says You Can't Go Home by Bon Jovi**

**Ohh Ohh Baby by Britney Spears**

**Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul McCartney**

**One Step At a Time by Jordin Sparks**

**Ain't It Funny by Jennifer Lopez**

**F*** You by Eamon**

***/**

After everyone showed up we filed into the auditorium. I took a seat next to Santana. It was mostly out of habit I think. I spent most of my time at McKinley next to Santana; it felt weird not to be next to her again. I'm not sure if she was okay with it because she glanced sideways at me when I sat down but she didn't say anything. I thought about moving but Artie was already talking into the microphone.

He performed _Bon Jovi's Who Says you Can't Go Home_ and told us that he was coming back to teach at McKinley and help Mr. Schue with the Glee Club. He said Mr. Schue was really busy these days now that he and Emma had a baby. We all cheered. It was super cool that he was going to be back here, I was kind of jealous. I wish I could stay here forever. New York was fun but sometimes everyone talked and walked super fast and the lines were always really long.

I was up next. I was surprised that my hands were shaking from nerves. I wasn't nervous before Rachel told me it was my turn. I guess it was because I haven't seen them in forever and I wanted it to be perfect. The background music to _Ohh Ohh Baby by Britney Spears_ started up and my nerves disappeared with the music.

By the time the performance was finished my legs felt like jelly and I was completely out of breath but I was smiling so wide. Okay so technically most of those moves were mash-ups from my performances in the city but there was no way glee club would know that, and if they did I would just claim it was part of the 'past five years' theme. I also added my own sexy floor crawl dance move during the "Touch me and I come alive" part. So it wasn't entirely 'stolen.'

There was a long silence after the music stopped and my smile started to fade.

"That was-" Mercedes began. Mercedes was covering Sam's eyes but I could see a goofy grin on his face from behind her hand.

"Freakin' hot." Puck interrupted.

I kind of half-smiled at Puck, I guess that was a compliment; I said thanks before heading off the stage.

"Brittany!" Rachel called. I thought she was going to yell at me but I turned to her and saw her face was flush but she didn't look angry, she looked more flustered. "You're supposed to tell us what you've been doing these past few years."

"Oh yeah." I said. I plopped down on the edge of the stage and let my tired legs swing. I looked over at Santana but she was staring at something in her hand I think. "I'm doing some dancing in New York, mostly background stuff. I also am a Rockette in the winter." Well technically a backup, but that was more words.

Mercedes made an ohh noise and Rachel gasped and clapped excitedly. Santana's eyes shot up and she smiled. She shouldn't have been surprised, she knew about it. We were still talking when I was trying out. I guess she forgot.

I smiled and hopped off the stage as everyone clapped. I took my seat back next to Santana. She didn't even glance at me, she just stared straight at the stage but no one was up there yet. I nudged her with my elbow. She glanced at me but didn't turn her head.

"Was is that bad?" I asked.

She looked down at her fist and clenched her hand tighter. Was she holding something?

"No, No, it was great." She said but her voice was faltering. She seemed to be trying to catch her breath for a second. "Excuse me for a second." She hopped over me and rushed out the door of the auditorium.

I figured she head to the bathroom but she was in there so long she missed Mercedes performance of_ One Step at a Time _and Sam singing _Maybe I'm Amazed_. Both of them were awesome as always. Mercedes voice seemed like it got better if that was possible.

Mercedes and Sam told us that they were moving into an apartment in Los Angeles. Mercedes was working on her first album and promised us with a wink that she'd send us all signed copies. Sam was working on a band, they had a really long and complicated name that I tried to remember so I could tell Santana when she got back. Then they both jumped down from the stage and sat back down. I looked around for the next glee club member to stand up and perform.

After a while Rachel came out from behind the curtain and looked out.

"Where's Santana?" She asked.

Everyone shrugged. I opened my mouth to say she was probably in the bathroom when someone burst through the door.

"I'm here, I'm here." Santana called. I turned to make sure it was really her because her voice sounded weird. "Don't get your panties in a bunch."

Santana hopped on the stage but she wasn't very graceful and she fell a little. Rachel had to grab her arm to stop her from falling. Rachel had a scowl on her face but didn't say anything. She shoved a microphone into Santana's arms. Santana sang the verses of _Jennifer Lopez's Ain't It funny _and Rachel helped her on the chorus. Rachel's scowl faded slowly over the course of the song. Rachel could never stay mad when she performed.

**Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny,**

**And you can't move on even though you try**

It was a good song and Santana's voice sounded amazing. I never paid attention to the lyrics before, it had such an upbeat tempo but it was kind of sad.

The song finished and all of glee club clapped. Santana hugged Rachel and had this lopsided smile on her face. When they separated Rachel looked up at Santana and said something. I wasn't sure what it was but Santana frowned and jumped off stage.

Rachel had to get her attention so she could tell us what she's been doing the past few years. She threw the microphone back down at Santana and she spoke into it.

"I'm a bartender." She threw the microphone back on the stage. It made a loud _thud _that amplified through the auditorium and rattled my ears. She came back and sat back in the same row but left a seat buffer between us.

She was looking down at her hands and that's when I noticed that she was shaking. She grabbed one hand to steady the other but they just shook more. I reached over and grabbed her hands to steady them. I could feel them trembling under mine. She looked up at me and we locked eyes for a long moment.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She didn't say anything but her eyes softened and all of a sudden she looked broken and scared. Her hands stopped shaking and I let them go.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out and music had already started. Both Santana and I looked back up towards the stage. Finn was standing there holding the microphone. His eyes were narrowed and nasty and he was looking at Rachel for the first time all day.

**Fuck what I said it don't mean shit now**

**Fuck the presents might as well throw 'em out**

**Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack**

**Fuck you, you hoe, I don't want you back**

My mouth had already fallen wide open. I couldn't bring it back up even if I wanted to. I looked around at the faces of the glee club and they were glancing around looking absolutely shocked. Even Santana's mouth hung open a bit but she didn't flinch, she was glaring up at Finn on the stage.

I heard a low sob and turned to see Rachel racing up the aisle with her hands shielding her face. She pushed open the auditorium door with her elbows. Santana threw her head back and let out a sigh. She jumped up from her seat. I thought she was going after Rachel but she headed towards the stage and flicked off the music. Finn had already stopped singing when Rachel had stormed off and just the beat was playing. She looked up at Finn.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" Santana said. Santana didn't wait for him to answer but I saw him shrug to her back. Santana marched off in the same direction as Rachel.

When the door slammed shut behind Santana, Puck was the first one to break the silence.

"You can't tell me that they're not doing it." Puck said.

"Puck!" Mercedes reached her hand out to smack him.

"What?" Puck countered as he shifted to dodge the smack. "When has Santana ever given a shit about someone she wasn't banging?"

Brittany met Quinn's sympathetic eyes. "Could you be more vulgar?" Quinn said.

Puck looked behind his shoulder at Brittany and his eyes softened. "I – uh- sorry." Puck looked over at Quinn. "But you have to admit _something_ is going on between those two."

No one responded. I looked up to see everyone in glee club looking at me, gauging my response, but all I could do was shrug and stare down at the floor.


	4. Friday: Part IV

Rachel and Santana found us in the choir room almost an hour later. Rachel's eyes looked red and puffy but she acted like nothing happened. She ordered pizza and insisted that we set up our sleeping bags before the nighttime festivities in the cafeteria. Seriously she used the word "festivities." She wouldn't take no for an answer. I half-listened to her because I felt bad about the song Finn started to sing and because she had her hand on her hips again like my mom did when she was trying to be stern.

"Its like camp." I muttered as I unfolded my sleeping bag. I spoke to Tina but I heard Santana laugh behind me. Tina smiled and looked up over my shoulder at Santana. I didn't turn around. I couldn't look at her right now but I didn't really know why.

"Is that going to be comfortable?" Tina asked over my shoulder. I turned around and saw that Santana was laying out a thin blanket to cover the choir room floor.

"It's fine, I've slept on worse." Santana said. Her face flinched like she had said something she didn't mean to.

"I told Santana." Rachel began as she knelt down next to us. "We have plenty of sleeping bags in the basement but she refused."

Santana flinched again and turned to look at Rachel. Rachel narrowed her eyes at the expression on Santana's face that I couldn't see because she was turned away from me.

"What?" Rachel said.

I suddenly felt like I was intruding on a private conversation. I glanced over at Tina but she was looking down at her sleeping bag.

"Can I speak to you for a second?" Santana grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her up to her feet and towards the corner of the farthest corner choir room. I watched them for a second and saw that they were talking heatedly but I looked down when Santana glanced in my direction. It was rude to be snooping on private conversations anyway.

"That was weird." Tina said.

"Yeah." I said. I used Tina's shoulder for support as I stood up. "I'm going to make a bathroom run."

Tina nodded but didn't offer to come. Maybe she thought I needed space. Maybe I did.

* * *

><p>I don't know why I always picked the last bathroom stall, it was a habit from high school, I guess. It was furthest from the door and closest to the window. It was a handicapped stall so it was the biggest and for that reason it had been Santana and my favorite when we both had gotten a little more adventurous during high school. I had just finished peeing when I heard the bathroom door swing open and crack against the wall.<p>

"I don't understand why it has to be this big secret." Rachel said. She must have turned on the faucet because I heard water running.

"Because I don't want them to know." Santana said.

I felt like I was being rude again especially since now I was listening to their conversation when they didn't know I was in there.

"Them or Brittany?" Rachel said.

I froze at the sound of my name. There was silence for a second and I got worried that they spotted me.

"Santana, I get that she broke your heart but you got to deal with it." Rachel said. "Before you revert back to old bad habits." I could barely make out the last part because she whispered it.

"Oh sure." Santana snapped. "And I haven't caught you staring at your old flames buff army body all day."

"That's different." Rachel said defensively.

"How?" Santana said. Even from here I can hear her voice on edge.

I could hear Rachel let out a frustrated _huff_. The sound of water stopped and no one spoke for a while.

"You know you're kind of a hypocrite." Santana said. Her voice was cold and harsh.

"What?" Rachel said. She spoke like she had just been shocked. I pictured her jumping like she had been shocked too.

"I mean you tell me to talk about it and to deal with it." Santana said. "But here you are, obviously not dealing with your own shit."

"Its completely different." Rachel shot back.

"Once again, I say _how_?" Santana said.

"Because _I_ at least talk about it to_ someone_. Because _I_ can handle _my _issues. Because _my_ pupils aren't the size of grapefruits right now!" Rachel said. She was almost screaming it.

It was quiet. No one was speaking or moving. I felt like I was going to choke on the tension in the air. I heard footsteps head towards the bathroom door.

"Santana." Rachel called. Her voice was lower now, it sounded defeated and apologetic.

The bathroom door slammed open and creaked as it swung violently on the hinges a few times. I jumped at the sound. The toilet whooshed and flushed.

_Crap. _

I tried to play it off and just I stepped out of the stall casually but I was never really much of an actress. I looked up to see Rachel staring at me with her mouth wide open.

I walked up to the faucet and washed my hands. I had so many questions but I couldn't formulate sentences to ask them. Some I thought would be overstepping boundaries. Some were probably none of my business. Others I weren't sure I wanted the answer to. It wasn't until I dried my hands and headed for the door that I finally came up with a question. It was the only question I really cared about. I just needed to phrase it in a generic way that didn't require Rachel giving me too much information.

"Is she okay?" I turned to Rachel and found that she was still staring at me.

She studied me for a long time and then narrowed her eyes deciding something. Maybe she was trying to come up with the right answer. She frowned.

"I don't know." She answered honestly.

* * *

><p><em>Crack<em>

I was already halfway awake when I heard the noise and sat straight up. Then I heard whispering. The people were speaking so low and were so far away that by the time the noise reached my ears they were just jumping sounds.

I looked around me in the darkness to make out who was missing but my droopy eyes still hadn't fully adjusted to the darkness. I rose to my feet and snuck out the choir room door and into the hallway.

The choir room door was already open so I left it ajar just in case it automatically locked or something. I looked down the hallway and saw the shadows of two figures in the orange glow of the parking lot street lamps. The shadows were long with super skinny heads like they belonged to super tall aliens from another planet. I crept down the hallway and peaked around the corner.

I saw Santana whispering to a guy. I could see his face pretty well thanks to the lights from the parking lot but I didn't recognize him. He looked super scary or maybe it was just because he had this nasty grin on his face. Santana sort of shuffled her feet away from him and I pulled my head back from the corner a bit. I didn't want her to see me. I guess I was being sneaky and that was rude but Santana was hiding stuff from me, bad stuff, I know it had to be bad stuff. Maybe if I knew more I could talk to her about it and she wouldn't be uncomfortable around me. I strained my ears to listen to what they said.

"Get away from me." She whispered.

"Oh Come on!" He said. I didn't have to strain my ears since he was practically shouting now. I looked back at the open choir room door. I should have shut it. Santana shushed him and he lowered his voice before he spoke again. "Since when have you had a sense of shame?"

He took another step towards Santana but she grabbed him by his biceps and stopped him.

"Since I've been clean." She said. "I don't need that shit anymore."

He let out a low laugh. "Is that why you bought some this morning?"

Santana swallowed and looked at the ground. "I just needed to get through the weekend."

He let out another harsh laugh. "Spoken like a true addict."

Santana pushed him off her and he fell backwards a bit.

"And I paid for it anyway. You don't need to be here."

"I missed you." He took a few steps forward and ran his hand through her hair. She slapped his hand away. "I brought you some samples." He held up something in his hand. I saw Santana looking at it but I couldn't really see what it was from my angle.

No one said or did anything for what felt like ages. Santana just looked at the thing he held. Her eyes were wide but I couldn't read her expression, it looked like a mix between desire and fear. He lowered what ever he was holding and slipped his hands down near her pants and tucked something into her pocket before slipping his hands up her shirt. Santana didn't react she just let out a breath.

"Let me know if you find anything you like." He said. He brushed a piece of hair out of Santana's face and tucked it behind her ear. "You don't have to waste any of your money this time, I'm sure we can go back to our old agreement." He brought his lips to hers and slid his hand further up her shirt. Santana turned her face away from him. His lips kissed her cheek.

Santana mumbled something but I couldn't make it out. He lifted his head up from her and took a step back.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?"

Santana turned to look at him. "Go fuck yourself."

He grabbed her neck and pushed her hard against the wall. Santana gasped. A panic filled my chest. He was choking her. She couldn't breathe.

"Santana!" I cried. Before I realized what I was doing I had stepped out from the corner and started pacing towards her. I wasn't sure what my plan was but luckily I didn't really need to think of one because he stopped immediately and released Santana before turning around to face me. I forgot to notice how huge he was. He was tall, really tall, like Finn tall and big. Whatever he was about to do to me for interrupting him, it was probably going to hurt.

Should I run away or stand here? What about Santana? I looked over his shoulder to see her watching me. Her hand rubbing was her neck. He took a step towards me and her eyes went wide with fear.

"And who are you?" He said. I turned my eyes to him and wish I hadn't, his eyes were dark and terrifying. He took another step forward. I matched his step backwards.

I saw Santana leap forward and grab his shoulder. It all happened so fast; he turned and connected a fist against Santana's cheek. There was a loud smack and Santana was either thrown or her body buckled to the floor.

I felt a body rush passed me.

"Yo, what the hell man?" Finn called. He stood in front of me and blocked my view of the guy. I could still see Santana on the ground though. She had pushed herself up with one hand and was rubbing her cheek with the other.

"Santana!" I stepped to get around Finn but someone else grabbed my arm. I turned to see Puck shaking his head.

"Wait till we ditch this douchebag." Puck said. He let go of my arm and waited for a second, maybe he was seeing if I would listen to him. I frowned and crossed my arms but I waited. Puck smiled and then stood next to Finn.

"Ah, Puckerman." The guy called.

"You know this guy?" Finn asked.

Puck just gave a vicious laugh. "I heard you're still dealing."

I sidestepped so I could see what was going on through the crook of Finn's arm. I looked down at Santana. She was raised to her knees and watching the exchange. I could already see redness on the spot where his fist landed on her face.

"Yeah. Except I had to graduate a little bit." The guy gave a dark chuckle. "No real money in Pot. Except nowadays I always have to carry protection." The guy lifted up his shirt to show a gun poking out from the waistband of his jeans.

I felt Puck and Finn stiffen a little. I had to choke back a gasp. I looked down at Santana but she was staring at the floor now. Her eyes were closed. If I didn't know any better I'd say she was praying.

"Your friend here." He pointed down at Santana. She didn't look up. "Was one of my - well I wouldn't say best customers - but she was definitely my favorite."

Finn shifted his weight and blocked my view again.

There were several tense moments before I heard the door slam open.

We all stood in silence for a few moments before Finn shifted out of my way and let me see Santana again. I pushed past him and knelt down next to her.

She didn't open her eyes until I called her name. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet.

"Didn't Artie lock those doors? How the hell did he get in here?" Puck asked.

Santana locked eyes with me for a second then looked over at Puck. "I let him in."

"You what?" Puck said.

"I know, I know. I fucked up." Santana said. She started rubbing her cheek again but stopped when she saw me looking.

Finn took a step towards Santana and cocked his head. "Santana are you-"

"I don't have time for this shit right now. Just go back to bed I'm fine." Santana pushed off me and headed down the hallway.

I watched her for a moment wondering if I should follow her. Maybe I had lost the right to follow and comfort her a long time ago. I wondered if I should get Rachel, maybe that was Rachel's job now. I turned to follow Finn and Puck back into the Choir room. The lights were on and everybody was up. Rachel was standing.

"What the hell is going on?" She asked Puck.

"Oh, No big deal. Santana just let some drug dealer with a glock into the school."

"Glock?" Rachel questioned.

"Gun, a glock's a gun, Rachel." Finn said impatiently. Everyone looked at Finn, this might have been the first time he addressed Rachel specifically, he even said her name and it didn't go unnoticed. He didn't look up and just crawled back into his sleeping back.

"He's gone now." Finn said. He pulled the covered over his eyes. I wondered if he knew everyone was staring at him.

Rachel looked around. "Where's Santana?" She was taking this news a lot better than I thought she would. The Rachel from high school would be having a grade three meltdown right about now.

"She stomped off somewhere." Puck sat down on his own sleeping bag and rubbed her eyes.

Rachel sighed and headed towards the door.

"You should probably bring some ice." Puck called to her. "She got clocked pretty good."

"And no one thought to see if she was okay?" Rachel asked. She grabbed a plastic bag and emptied out the contents before filling it with some ice from Puck's cooler.

"Isn't that your job? She's _your _crazy girlfriend." Puck muffled into his pillow.

Rachel stood up and raised an eyebrow at him but didn't say anything. Maybe it was because it looked like he was already sleeping.

Rachel put her hand on my arm and I jumped a little because I was watching Puck.

"Go back to bed." Rachel said.

I froze for a second wondering if I should help her with Santana but I figured they wanted to be alone. She smiled at me and I just crawled back under my sleeping bag before she turned the lights off.

I lied there for a few minutes wondering if she found Santana before I decided I couldn't sleep at all after everything that just happened.

I found them in the girl's bathroom. I gently pushed the door open and walked in. Rachel had her back to me and was half-yelling half-whispering at Santana who was backed against the far wall.

"So your old dealer just _HAPPENS_ to find you here at McKinley of _all places_. And you_ HAPPEN_ to be at the door to let him in?" Rachel said.

I wondered if I should let her know I'm here but to be honest Rachel is kind of scary when she's that mad.

"Okay, Okay. I bought a _little_." Santana's shoulders deflated and her eyes dropped to the floor. "Just for this weekend."

"And where is it?" Rachel asked.

"I used it." Santana said.

Rachel's body language dropped. "All of it?" Her voice dropped and she sounded disappointed. I kind of wished she'd be mad again.

Santana nodded but didn't look up. "It's been a rough day."

I was listening to something private, something Santana probably didn't want me to hear. I should probably say something. I opened my mouth to speak but Rachel was talking again.

"I thought seeing Brittany might be good for you." Rachel said. "Maybe you could finally get some closure or something. But it seems like she's just making everything worse."

I should have spoken up before I heard all that but my mouth became so dry that I couldn't say anything if I wanted to. I should have just walked out before they saw me. I turned towards the door.

"She doesn't make it worse." Santana countered. "She just reminds me of-"

"The stuff you still refuse to talk about?" Rachel finished for her. "Santana, did she do something to you? You guys were far from each other, did she cheat on you?"

"I never cheated on her." It practically fell out of my mouth but it annoyed me that Rachel thought I'd do something like that, even if she only thought it for a second. Santana's eyes shot up at me and went wide. Rachel jerked around.

I thought Rachel would be mad and back me into the wall like she did with Santana but she was grinning. I think that made me more nervous then her being mad.

She walked towards me and held out the bag of ice she had made in the choir room.

"She refused to put this on her face. Maybe you can talk some sense into her." Rachel said.

I grabbed the bag from Rachel and watched her walk passed me and out of the bathroom. I turned to Santana and saw her staring at me. Her eyes were still wide. I juggled the bag of ice in my hands and walked towards Santana. I smiled.

"You ever watch the Rockettes perform and wonder how do they totally not kick each other?" I gestured for her to sit on the windowsill. She sat.

"Well we totally do. And this one time I took a heel right off the chin and I pretended I was too cool to ice it. I had like three chins for a week and had to wear like a gallon of makeup to cover-up the bruise. It was pretty embarrassing." She let out a low short giggle. It wasn't the Santana giggle but that definitely sounded so very close. I couldn't suppress a smile.

"You don't want three cheeks." I put the ice gently against her face. She winced a little but then leaned into it and closed her eyes.

Here I had her, alone and relaxed and all the questions I wanted to ask were swimming in my head. Her face looked so at ease for the first time all day that I just couldn't bring back her furrowed eyebrows with what I knew were difficult questions. I rather just look at her peaceful face and let my mind swim for one more day.

Maybe I'd ask her tomorrow.


	5. Saturday: Part I

**/***

**Author's Note: I've been getting some really nice reviews lately just wanted to say thanks! You guys are way too sweet to me!**

**Also I'm working on another Brittana story (An AU One) and I'm looking for a Beta. I've tried this site but I really want a Glee/Brittana beta so if ya'll know of anyone or where I could look I would love to hear from you! Anyway enough babbling! **

**Enjoy the story Let me know what you think! **

***/**

I lifted my elbow to shield my eyes from the sun. Some stifled laughs snuck in through the choir room door. I sat up and rubbed my eyes trying to remember where I was.

_McKinley, Choir Room, Glee Club Sleepover lock-out thinger. Got it._

I looked around the choir room and noticed almost all the sleeping bags were now empty piles of blankets, besides Rachel's. She somehow managed to 'make' her sleeping bag. I glanced over my shoulder to see Santana still sleeping. That made sense since we had been up pretty late last night, icing her cheek.

I noticed Santana was fidgeting and flinching but her eyes were still closed. Lord Tubbington used to do that when he was having dreams. He once ran across the rug in his sleep and didn't stop until he bumped into the wall. Santana wasn't moving though. She was just jerking her body back and forth. I crawled next to Santana and studied her for a second. I noticed her lips were moving but I didn't hear any sound come out.

"Santana." I said quietly. She didn't open her eyes but she seemed to jerk some more. She probably was thinking about what happened last night when that guy grabbed her. It hurt me to see her scared, even if it was the imaginary kind of scared that would end as soon as she opened her eyes.

"Santana." I spoke louder hoping to jolt her awake. I was starting to wonder if it was a good idea to wake someone up who was dreaming; didn't someone once say that was a bad thing to do? Or was that just sleepwalkers?

She just jerked some more and raised her arms over her head as though she was shielding herself. I knew she still wasn't awake yet because she started mumbling louder and her eyes were still closed. I wrapped my fingers gently around her wrists and leaned in closer. "Santana!" I practically shouted.

Santana's eyes shot opened and she gasped. She took in a few heavy breaths and looked around the room, probably trying to remember where she was like I had to do. Her eyes softened and I guess she finally remembered because I felt her body relax. I let go of her wrists and leaned back as she sat up and put her face in her hands to steady herself.

I watched her for a second before I spoke. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah –sorry." She was breathing heavily. "I – I hadn't had one of - those in a long time."

"A nightmare?" I asked.

"That kind of nightmare." She said. She was being vague maybe it was because she was having trouble remembering her dreams. I could never remember my dreams right after I woke up. Maybe she'd remember it later and tell me about it.

"Oh." It was all I could think of to say. "Well I think they're eating breakfast in the Cafe. Wanna join?"

She nodded and I turned to stand. She grabbed my arm and I froze.

"Thank you. "She said. "For the ice and everything." She kind of frowned like it took a lot for her to say that.

"Of course." I said. She let go of my arm and I stood up. I helped her up.

"Your cheek looks better." I said as we turned to leave.

She smiled but didn't look up at me. "Great."

* * *

><p><strong>* Author's Note: Song Performed is Follow me by Uncle Kracker */**

Santana and I slept straight through breakfast, it was actually 1:00 and they were already eating sandwiches for lunch. But Puck offered to cook Santana and I some breakfast, since he had broken into the kitchen anyway. Breakfast was my favorite meal so I accepted and Santana just said she'd have whatever I had.

It was the best breakfast, ever. He cooked so much food I was stuffed from all the eggs, bacon and French toast that I offered Mike the rest of mine.

"Dude." Mike said between chews. "This is the best French toast I have ever had."

Puck smirked at him as he set a couple of slices on Santana's plate. Santana didn't seem like she had eaten anything at all but she still dropped the rest of her French toast on the plate in front of Mike.

"Its all in the vanilla extract." Puck said after he dropped the pan off on the counter in the kitchen and sat back down at the table. "Not too much and not too little."

Mike nodded his head up and down like he was writing all of his instructions down in the back of his mind.

"When did you become Mr. Betty Crocker?" Mercedes said.

Puck smiled so wide. "I cook every morning for-"

"No, No, No." Rachel cut Puck off before he could finish his thought. I turned to see her look up. She had been staring at Santana or more specifically at Santana's full plate of food. Maybe she was still hungry. "Not until after your performance!"

The rest of the group sighed but Puck stood up. "I'll get my guitar then." He left the cafeteria before Rachel could protest.

He came back into the room and sat on the table next to us. He took a picture out of his wallet and handed it to Artie since he was the closest.

"That's little Joshua." Puck smiled.

Artie passed the picture to Mercedes, I was too antsy to wait and I looked at it from over her shoulder. It was a picture of Puck holding a little boy in his lap. The boy had to be around five. He had the cutest little blonde Mohawk on his head.

"He's my man." Puck said. Mercedes handed me the picture and I looked at it again and looked up at Puck. His smile was so big and so adorable I couldn't help but smile back at him. I handed the picture to Mike.

"He's not mine." Puck said. "Well he is but he's not _technically_. I've been dating his mom for two years now so they're both mine. I cook them breakfast every morning." He nodded at Mike since he finally answered his question. "Josh loves my French toast." He shrugged like it wasn't that big of a deal but the smile on his face spread to his ears.

Mike passed the picture to Tina and grabbed a fork full of French toast since Puck reminded him it was there. He shoved it in his mouth.

"Lucky." He mumbled through the food.

Rachel got the photo and let out a loud _aww_. I didn't think it was possible but Puck's smile grew even bigger.

"This is Follow me by Uncle Kracker." He started strumming on the guitar.

Rachel passed the picture to Santana, she glanced at it quickly before passing it to Kurt. The song was relaxing and I liked that he didn't lose the smile the entire performance.

**Follow me,  
>Everything is all right,<br>I'll be the one to tuck you in at night.**

Puck finished the song and placed the guitar on the table before reaching for his wallet again. He held another picture up and we all leaned in to see a picture of a little girl. His smile never faltered as he spoke again.

"That's Beth. She's gotten so big now." He said. "Quinn and I visit her sometimes but since Quinn is so busy with-" He paused when Rachel raised her hand and opened her mouth to warn him.

"We'll she'll tell you about that later." Puck said. Even Rachel's hounding couldn't knock the smile off his face. It was great to see Puck like this. I guess we saw flashes of this Puck when Beth was born but he was so proud and so happy it was so cute.

We spent most of the afternoon listening to Puck tell us stories about his son and all the trouble he caused. Well most of us listened. Santana still played with the full plate of food on her table for a while before Rachel got frustrated and threw it away.

* * *

><p><strong>*Author's Note: Songs Performed are:**

**Daughtry- It's Not Over**

**Sonny and Cher – I Got You Babe**

**Britney Spears – Heaven on Earth**

***/**

We filed back into the auditorium. I sat next to Santana again but gave her a seat buffer like she did yesterday.

Rachel was already on the stage and started the music as soon as my butt hit the seat. She looked over at Finn who swallowed hard but didn't look away.

**My life with you means everything,  
>So I won't give up that easily.<strong>

I was happy she didn't pick a mean song like the one Finn tried to perform. It was obvious though that_ It's Not Over by Daughtry_ was about Finn especially since she never took her eyes off him.

Finn sat and listened to Rachel's song and he actually seemed like he _listened _to the song because he gave Rachel a small acknowledging nod. She wiped a tear off her cheek and smiled sadly. She walked off the stage and took a seat in the front row.

When Rachel didn't speak or indicate who should go next. Kurt and Blaine stood up and silently stepped on the stage.

Kurt checked on Rachel before he spoke into the microphone. He grabbed Blaine's hand. "Blaine and I are actually looking to move to New York City." Kurt nodded at me. "Maybe we'll get to see more of you, Britt." I smiled at him and clapped up in the air so he could see I was excited. It would be so much fun to see Kurt and Blaine in New York. No one from Glee Club visited me anymore, not since Santana stopped coming.

Kurt and Blaine performed _Sonny and Cher's I Got You Babe_. It was really cute. Blaine sang Sonny's parts and Kurt sang Cher's though Kurt seemed like he toned down since his time in high school. He wasn't wearing anything with sequins or anything. That made me kind of sad. I thought about saying something and maybe he'd plan better costumes next time.

As soon as Kurt and Blaine finished Mike practically leaped out of his seat and pulled Tina onto the stage. The music started and I recognized the song immediately. I listened to a lot of Britney Spears songs when trying to pick one to perform for this weekend.

Tina sang and Mike danced around her. It was awesome. I always loved watching Mike dance but most of the time I had to dance right next to him and I couldn't stop what I was doing to watch him. The music was starting to cut to the end. Mike did a leap and landed next to Tina on one knee

We all clapped but Mike didn't stand up. Instead he took out a little tiny box from his back pocket. Mercedes and Rachel both gasped from their seats and Tina turned to Mike. Her mouth fell open.

"Tina Cohen-Chang." Mike opened the box to show her the ring inside. "Will you marry me?"

Tina nodded her head up and down for a little bit before she was able to speak.

"Yes." The word choked and she said it again more clearly. "Yes, of course."

Mike slid the ring up Tina's finger and stood up to kiss her. The glee club erupted into applause. Puck hollered the loudest out of all of us. I ran to the front and hugged both Tina and Mike as they jumped down from the stage.

"Congratulations!" I said with a huff since I was hugging them way too hard.

"Thanks!" Tina said into my shoulder. I released them but before they could recover Mercedes hugged them next.

The rest of glee club gathered around the pair to offer their congratulation's. I stepped back to let someone else get a chance to hug them. That's when I noticed Santana was still sitting in her seat. She was staring straight at the ground and she had her arms crossed, hugging her body. I could see her shoulders rising really high and then falling again.

I took a step towards her to see what's wrong but she was already standing and rushing up the aisle towards the exit.

I tried to call to her but she had already slammed through the doors. I looked back at the other glee club members to see Rachel and Puck had noticed Santana leaving.

Rachel took a few steps forward before Puck grabbed her arm to stop her.

"I got this." He muttered as he brushed past me and exited the auditorium.

I glanced over at Rachel who shrugged and turned back to the rest of the group. I followed her and stood behind Mercedes as she admired Tina's ring. Mercedes barely got out one complement before the screaming started.

Puck's voice carried through the empty hallways and ricocheted into the auditorium. His volume and tone made me jump out of my skin. We all exchanged looks for a moment before we filed out of the auditorium to track down the source.

We found them in the choir room. The door was left open and Puck was facing Santana who had her back against the wall, her shoulders where falling into her body and she looked so tiny, especially compared to Puck who was towering over her, still screaming.

"This is a small town, Santana! You don't think what you've done, what you've _been_ doing hasn't gotten around?" He was holding up something in his hand. It looked like a little bag and he wiggled it in Santana's face but she didn't look up. She just stared down at the floor. "God, What the hell happened to you?"

Santana brought her face to her hands and tried to bring her body into itself. She was breaking. It was so obvious that he was breaking her. Didn't anyone else see it? I just wanted him to stop, to leave her alone. I tried to push through the group and get to Puck so I could pull him away. Someone grabbed my arm. I looked at the fingers grasped around my arm.

"Don't." Rachel hushed to me. I turned to look at Santana. Why wasn't Rachel stopping this? She was the one that was supposed to be looking out for her but she was just letting this happen? I tried to pull away but her grip just tightened.

"Seriously, Brittany." Rachel raised her voice just a little bit. "You're just making everything worse right now."

It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. It was the second time I've heard that I was making Santana's life worse. I turned away from Rachel, Santana, Puck and the rest of glee club and headed straight for the parking lot. If what Santana needed was space from me then I'd give her all the space I could possibly give her.


	6. Saturday: Part II

I didn't know how long I'd been out there but the sky was already turning a shade of dark orange as the sun started to disappear below the horizon. I had been leaning against the hood of my car kicking rocks with the front of my sneaker when I heard footsteps sliding on the gravel. I looked up to see Quinn smiling at me.

"I thought you'd have been home by now." She walked around me and leaned against the car.

"My keys are in the choir room." I mumbled.

She let out a light laugh. "Great! Because I couldn't do my performance tomorrow without you."

I looked up and Quinn laughed again. It was probably because I was so confused and maybe a little scared. She hadn't told me that we were performing something together. Had she? I didn't practiced anything.

"It's a surprise. I just need to find-" Quinn stopped speaking and smiled at me. She had caught herself before she said too much. "You'll find out tomorrow."

"Why can't you tell me now?" I frowned and it made Quinn laugh. I smiled. I liked making Quinn laugh and it seemed like it was so much easier to do than it had been in high school.

"It's a surprise." She repeated.

I sighed.

"You'll like it though. I promise." Quinn put her hand on my knee. "But you have to stay around. Okay?"

I nodded. I could still give Santana the distance she needed but still do the surprise performance thing with Quinn.

We sat there not speaking for a while watching the orange sky turn to a blue. Stars were starting to sparkle through the darkened sky.

"And about Santana." Quinn broke the silence. "Don't take what Rachel said to heart."

I swallowed but I nodded. I listened to Quinn as she continued to speak.

"I don't think any of us really knows what she needs. I don't think Santana really does either. But I know she's happy to see you."

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat again.

Quinn stood up but she didn't look down at me. I was thankful she didn't, I didn't think I could keep it together if she did.

"And I don't think you're making anything worse. Santana's always been pretty hard on herself."

Quinn took a step away from the car and waited for a moment.

"Do you want to go back inside?"

I keep my eyes closed but shook my head no. I wasn't sure if she could see me in the dark so I said. "I think I just need a few more minutes."

Quinn walked away, her sandals scrapping along the gravel and I heard the door creak open as she went back inside. I waited for a while and watched the an airplane make its way across the clear night sky. It looked like it was barely making any progress at all.

The door creaked opened and I heard the crunch of gravel again. It wasn't the same dragging noise Quinn's sandals made. I figured that someone else had taken a turn to come talk to me. I closed my eyes and waited. Maybe Kurt or Mercedes would plop down on my car next.

The footsteps never came closer. I heard the creak of a car door and looked up to see a figure leaning against the hood of Santana's car. I froze, afraid that guy from last night might be back.

There was a clicking sound a few times. I saw a yellow glow light up Santana's face.

I stood up off my car and walked towards her. She looked up at me and froze. The lighter was still lit and she had the guiltiest expression on her face.

I crossed my arms and glared at her. I didn't want Puck to come out and scream at her again. "Are you doing something bad?"

She let out a dry laugh. She clicked something again and the yellow light was replaced by a faint orange glow from the end of the cigarette she just lit.

"Depends who you ask." Her voice sounded worn and hoarse.

She brought the cigarette to her mouth and inhaled deeply. She held her breath for a moment before she blew the cigarette smoke behind her shoulder and away from me. She knew how much I hated the smell of cigarettes.

I watcher her play with the cigarette between her fingers for a little before she finally spoke.

"Someone said you left."

"No." I said. "I just needed some time away from everyone."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Santana said. I knew she had interpreted _everyone_ to mean _Santana_. "I'll just finish this over there." She stood up from her car.

"No!" I practically shouted at her and she jumped. "Stay, Please stay." She leaned back down against the hood of her car without taking her eyes off me..

I sat down next to her. she shifted over to give me more space on her car.

"So how has your summer been?" I asked.

Now that were sitting so close I could see everything and I could see the hesitation in her face and they way her eyes narrowed as if deciding something. She brought the cigeratte to her mouth.

"Fantastic." Santana said as she blew another lungful of smoke away from me.

"I wish you wouldn't do that." I said. Her eyes turned towards mine.

"Smoke?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Lie." I corrected.

Santana flinched. She brought the cigarette to her mouth for one last drag before she put it out against the hood of her car and tossed the butt on the ground. I watched it roll across our feet before it got caught on a loose piece of gravel.

"My parents moved away." Santana said.

I looked up to see Santana had been watching me. I leaned back against the hood and rested on my hands. Santana didn't have to look at me when she spoke the rest, only if she wanted to and I knew that would help if she wanted to say more. My head flooded with questions but I waited.

"I blew through my trust fund." She looked back at me. "You know the one I was saving for – " She cleared her throat and turned away from me. She lowered her voice a bit. "The college fund."

I was happy Santana wasn't looking at me. I knew my expression would have stopped her. That trust fund had enough money to send Santana to the most expensive school in the most expensive city. Instead Santana chose to stay in Lima and go to a community school. How could she have possibly spend _all_ that money her in Lima? I swallowed and controlled my emotions. I was happy I did because Santana finally looked back at me.

"They weren't very happy about that." She shrugged. She was trying to play it off like it wasn't a big deal but I could tell that it really bothered her. Something was really bothering her. It wasn't just that. Talking about things made you feel better but her shoudlers will still sunk and body was still turned away from me. Like the secret she was shielding from me was branded on her chest. Maybe the secret really had something to do with me. Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe I really was making everything worse.

"What did you spend it on?" I tried to keep Santana talking. I knew if I asked the right questions she'd tell me the answers. She told me everything. At least she used to. Maybe I could get her to do it again. I just had to be sneaky. Not sneaky. That sounded bad. But I had to be smart.

"Guess."

The answer was obvious, of course it was. The issue last night with the drug dealer. How close he seemed to Santana. Not_ that t_ype of close but the sort of close where you interact with someone on a regular basis. But _all_ that money. How bad had it gotten? I wished I could see her face just now.

"Drugs?" I choked out. I felt like it meant so much more for her to say it. Maybe she wasn't ready for that.

She nodded. It was slight. I barely caught it in the dark. She crossed her arms and hugged her body tight.

"How long have you been-" I didn't finish my sentence but Santana knew what I meant because she answered.

"Too long." She said.

"Before or after-" I couldnt finish again. It felt weird to talk about especially after we'd be ignoring it this whole time. _Before or after we broke up?_

She nodded at first and than said. "Before. Just before." She hugged her so body tight. I think she had already said a lot more than she had expected herself to. There was still so much I didn't understand. I thought I could push her, just a little bit further.

"Is that why you were so distant?" I said. It would make so much sense as to why Santana had been so strange and absent during that winter break sophomore year but it gave me a pang of guilt. I could have helped her. I should have helped her.

She shook her head 'no'. Then nodded. Then shrugged.

"Its complicated." She stood up abruptly. She was back to hiding things. She still had her arms folded across her body. Her shields were up and they were up stronger than ever. "I should get back in before Rachel has an aneurysm. You too."

She didn't look up at me. I stood and followed her back inside the school. I walked behind her a few paces and I tried to collect my thoughts and make sense of the conversation we just had.


	7. Saturday: Part III

I followed Santana into the auditorium. Everyone was sitting down for another performance. I remembered my conversation with Quinn and I choked on my spit. Did she move up her performance? I still wasn't ready. I didn't even know the song!

Santana raised an eyebrow at me from her seat. I didn't even see her sit down. I looked up on the stage. Finn was standing up there by himself. He was fiddling with the microphone and plugging in some wires. I was off the hook for now.

I sat in the same row as Santana but at the end of the aisle since Rachel told me to give her space. I knew Santana took it the wrong way when she looked over to me and I saw her face fall a little. I was so confused by everything that was happening this weekend. I didn't know what to do to help Santana anymore. It was such a horrible feeling. I used to always know what to do to make her laugh and smile when she was sad.

Finn finally got the microphone working and I loud squeal echoed through the speakers. The sound scratched my ears and I cringed.

He adjusted something on the microphone. The sound faded until it was gone.

"Sorry guys." Finn said.

"I didn't get to finish my song yesterday." Finn half-smiled. I saw Santana cross her arms and straighten up her shoulders.

"So I wanted to perform something a little different." Finn pressed a button on the control panel next to him and music started.

**Tell me have you ever wanted  
>Someone so much it hurts<br>Your lips keep trying to speak  
>but you just can't find the words<br>Well i had this dream once  
>I held it in my head.<strong>

This song was already so much better. I liked it so much better.

**She was the purest beauty but not the common kind**

I heard Santana's voice. It wasn't very loud, I think I was the only one that heard. She knew the song and she was singing along. Well it was mostly a whisper since she was singing so low but I could her voice carry and fall just like when she was singing.

**She had a way about her that made you feel alive**

I watched her. She wasn't looking at Finn anymore. She had her head resting against the back of the seat and her eyes were closed. Her lips were moving so slow and careful as she sang the song. I knew Finn still had to be singing but it was only Santana's voice I listened to. Her voice was like a pillow to me. But one of those expensive heated ones because her voice made my ears feel soft and warm at the same. I was dragged like one of those cartoon animals. My feet moved me from seat to seat until I was sitting next to her. Santana didn't seem to notice because she didn't stop singing and she didn't open her eyes.

**You had me dim the lights, you danced just like a child.  
>The wine spilled on your dress and all you did was smile<strong>

At that exact moment I wished I could read her mind. Her lips turned upward into a smile. I could even hear the smile in her voice. It was the most sincere smile I had seen from Santana in a long time. It made me smile without really even knowing why I was doing it.

I looked at her hands. They were folded in her lap. I wanted to grab that smile and keep it before it drifted away. Smiles were so rare with this Santana that I wanted to grab her face and make her hold it there until her cheeks were numb.

I thought about what Rachel said again about making things worse. If I was the cause of anything then grabbing Santana would make her feel worse. But it all seemed so bad already.

The song was coming to an end and Santana was going to stop singing. The smile was going away. I could already see her face shifting.

In the words of a young Santana Lopez, _Fuck Rachel Berry_.

Just as the last verse passed her lips I reached down and grabbed Santana's hand and pulled it into my lap. Her eyes shot open. The music faded away.

Santana's smile faded away too. She straightened up and looked at me and then back down at her hands. She was deciding what to do or maybe she was just waiting for me to let go. But I wasn't going to let go. I had given Santana three years of space. It didn't make anything better. _Space_ made it all worse. Rachel was wrong. She had to be.

"I'm not going to let you go." I whispered.

She locked eyes on me. Her mouth opened and closed like a guppy.

"I was gone for boot camp for a while." Finn had been talking and I didn't even realize. I shot my attention up to him, but I squeezed Santana's hand a little bit harder. Santana's gulp was audible. "I wanted to come back and visit but it was so hard. I knew Rachel was lonely and frustrated but I just wasn't allowed to leave. Except one day we were given a short leave. She didn't know. I came to surprise her. My plane got in pretty late at night so I just took a cab to the house. I saw her on her doorstep. Kissing Jesse St. James. Then saw them duck into the house. I didn't have to watch anymore." Finn swallowed. He finally looked up at Rachel. Tears were streaming down her face.

"We didn't." Rachel gasped. Finn raised an eyebrow at her. "We didn't do anything. Well we kissed yes and he wanted to-" She paused to wipe her eyes. "But I couldn't-I wouldn't." Rachel shook her head and more tears dropped to the floor. "You were just gone for so long and I was lonely and stupid and made the biggest mistake of my life kissing him. But I just want you to forgive me. I want you to forgive me so bad."

I looked back up a Finn as he shifted uncomfortably. He looked around to the other members of the old glee club and his eyes widened when he saw everyone watching him.

He jumped down from the stage.

"I don't know if I can forgive you. I really don't." He took a few steps to Rachel. "But I want to try." Rachel ran to him and hugged him. He stood there frozen for a few seconds before he embraced her back.

* * *

><p>I felt Santana's pinky loosen around mine and I knew she had fallen asleep. Even though Santana didn't say much I knew she felt a release in this little touch. Her lips had been curled upwards all night in her failed attempt to suppress a smile.<p>

I turned my head to watch her face. She looked at ease. I didn't know what this all meant. She was my best friend and I had promised her nothing would ever change that. I already broke that promise and I was hell bent on fixing it.

I heard the choir room door squeak open. I looked up to see Rachel's short form tiptoeing out into the hallway. I took a few moments to watch Santana a little longer before I stood up gently and quietly, careful not to wake her.

I followed Rachel into the hallway and saw her slumped down on the floor, leaning against the wall. She was already staring off, deep in thought. It was like she had been there for hours. I took a few small steps forward.

"Santana?" She asked but she didn't look up.

"No it's me." I said

"Brittany?" She looked up at me now. Her eyes were glazed over. That look people got before they cried.

I nodded and eased down next to her. I wasn't always a huge fan of Rachel especially right now but no one deserved to be in a dark hallway alone and sad. And she was important to Santana. How important and why I didn't really know but anything that was important to her was important to me.

"What's up?" I asked her. Rachel looked away from me but I knew she was going to respond. I could see her thinking.

"Do you think there's only one person out there for you?" She asked. She turned to look at me.

"I don't know." I said. It wasn't because I hadn't thought about it. People talk about true love and soul mates but it was a scary thing to think about. I think that's why Rachel was so fragile right now because she was thinking about something so big and scary. "Maybe." I added it because I think I believed it. I thought of Santana and I think I believed it. I felt my eyes getting blurry. I was happy Rachel had looked away again.

"What if you mess up so bad with that one person-" Rachel's voice sounded so defeated. "-that you can't save it."

I wasn't sure what to do or say. "Maybe there's someone else out there? Like you and Santana." I added. "You guys are like Tom and Jerry but-"

"What?" Rachel said that a lot louder than the voice she'd been using and I jumped. She watched me for a while.

"Brittany do you-" Rachel said.

"Jeez can you guys be any louder?"

I looked up to see Santana closing the choir room door. She bumped my shoulder as she sat down next to me and linked her pink into mine. I turned back to Rachel. She was still staring at me her eyes were open wide.

"Brittany, do you think Santana and I are dating?" She said. Her eyes were wide.

I felt flustered. I didn't want the question answered. That's why I never asked it. "I um-" I looked straight ahead and away from the gaze of Rachel and Santana.

"Wait, what?" Santana said it just as loudly as Rachel had. I turned to look at Santana. I was so confused. So very confused.

"What made you think I would _ever _date Rachel?" Santana said.

I heard Rachel huff angrily behind me.

"Well Puck and-" I said.

Santana threw her hands in the air. Pulling my hand up with it. "Of course. I'm happy to see having a kid hasn't made him any less of a creep."

I felt a smile growing on my face.

Santana tightened her grip on my pinky. "Wait you really believed it?"

I nodded.

The laugh that started was small but it grew each time she looked at my flustered face.

The Santana laugh.

She threw her head back and slapped her knee with her free hand. She stopped to take a jagged breath and looked over my shoulder at Rachel who was huffing right over my ear. This made Santana cackle. It was so infectious and it made my insides bubble and my cheeks start to hurt from smiling so hard but I didn't want to laugh. Because one, if Rachel got any angrier I think she'd explode and two, I wanted to watch Santana laugh. I wanted to seal this laughter up in a jar and sell it on the street because I'd be like a bajillionaire.

The light in the choir room clicked on. Members of the old glee club slowly filtered into the hallway.

"What the hell is going?" Mercedes said. She glanced over at Santana who was now cradling her chest into her body and begging for breath.

"Brittany thought Santana and I were dating." Rachel said. "And this is Santana's reaction."

Mercedes smirked but raised an eyebrow. "So you two aren't dating?"

I think Santana heard that because she howled a little louder and leaned in to me for support.

Rachel shook her head.

Mercedes laughed lightly.

"Wait Wait." Puck stepped towards Rachel. "That doesn't make sense."

Santana stopped laughing. Instead she let out stifled suppressed giggles as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Puck waited with his arms crossed.

"You guys seem to be like-" Puck glanced over at Rachel. "A thing."

Rachel still had her arms folded across her body. She let out another frustrated huff and glared at Santana. She had stopped giggling out loud but I could still feel her body shaking and she let out heavy breaths.

"Your mind is in the gutter, Noah." Rachel said. She huffed at him. "Just because Santana's living with me doesn't mean we're a couple." She let out another huff.

Santana's laughter and shaking stopped. I felt her shoulders stiffen. I looked at Santana but she was too busy glaring at Rachel to notice me.

"Santana lives with you?" Mercedes said.

Mercedes looked back and forth between Rachel and Santana, who was still glaring.

She opened her mouth to say something else but she finally noticed Santana's Vulcan death stare, she swallowed her words instead.

"Santana?" Quinn said from behind the group. "Did something happen with your parents? Are they okay?"

Santana stood up quickly. Dropping her grip on my pinky. I thought she was going to run away again but she only took a few steps away, putting some distance between her and the prying eyes. She turned her back to us.

"My parents kicked me out. Then they jumped ship." Santana said.

"Why?" Quinn asked.

Santana was quiet for a while but we waited. Everyone watched her but we all waited.

"They weren't too happy with the decisions I'd been making." Santana said. She was using her plan A avoidance tactic. I was so used to it after years of being her friend and especially after this weekend. She'd answer the question with the biggest vagueness she could.

"The dealers and the drugs." Puck filled in the gaps.

"Santana." I felt Rachel rise to her feet. "You have to talk about it."

Rachel took a few steps towards Santana but stopped. Santana was shaking her head back and forth. I could only see her back but I knew she was crying. I could tell by sound of the breath leaving her mouth that she was trying to stop it. She was trying to hide her tears from the glee club and it hurt me so much to see her try to hard to hide herself. Especially since she had just been so open and happy just a few seconds ago.

Rachel put a hand on her shoulder but she brushed it off.

"Please." Her voice broke on that little word. "Just- I just need some space."

They stood around glancing at each other for a while. When Santana didn't say or so anything else they slowly filed back into the choir room. I nodded to Rachel as she closed the door behind her.

As soon as the door clicked I watched Santana's body as she shook with low sobs. I stood up. I wasn't sure if she knew whether or not she was alone but I wasn't going to let her be. Not again.

I grabbed her shoulder and turned her body to face me. Her body fell into mine. After so many years it was still her instinctive reaction. I hugged her tight as her face fell into my chest.

"Britt-" She tried to push off me but I kept her tighter. I wasn't going to let her go. "Britt please."

"Do you want me to go?" I spoke into her hair.

"You'll want to go." Santana said. "If you knew-" Her sobs broke. My shirt was already soaked with her tears.

I hugged her tighter and tighter. "Let me decide." I pressed a kiss into her hair.

She shook her head. She was held so tight she could barely move her body but I could feel her head trying to shake.

I wasn't going to let her go. I did once but I wouldn't do it again.


	8. Sunday: Part I

**/* Author's Note: **

**Shameless author plug: follow me on tumblr: ****_Diablovixen . tumblr . com_**

**Going to start posting some small blurbs on there that are too tiny for ff if you're interest. If not… move along :). **

** Songs here:  
>Hey Mikey by Toni Basil<br>Sober by Kelly Clarkson. **

** Check 'em out.**

**Anyway this is a pretty_ big_ chapter. A lot is revealed here.  
>Enjoy!<strong>

***/**

We slept the rest of the night in the hallway. We had our backs against the cool metal of the lockers. I think Santana found it soothing. She had her head buried into my shoulder. Her arms were wrapped around my waist.

I woke up with a crook in my neck and my back was sore but I didn't care. I knew Santana needed something like that and I think she needed it for a long time. I still didn't know exactly why she needed it maybe for a hundred different reasons. I gently tried to rub the notch out of my neck. I heard the choir room door creak open. It was slow and quiet. Someone was trying to be sneaky.

Quinn stepped out into the hallway and looked around. She didn't notice us and tiptoed down the hallway.

"Quinn?" She stopped and turned to me. Her eyes went wide but it fell into a smirk. She brought her finger to her mouth and shushed me before continuing down the hallway.

She returned twenty minutes later holding up three Cheerios uniforms. I waited until she got close enough to hear my whisper before I spoke again.

"What are those for?" I asked.

"Our performance." She knelt down next to me and spoke so softly that I could barely hear her.

She looked over at Santana who was still sleeping against my shoulder. She brushed a piece of hair out of Santana's face.

"What are we performing?" I said. I was super excited now that we got to use our old cheerleading uniforms.

"Do you remember that cheerleading movie we used to watch all the time freshman year?" She said. She watched Santana again.

I nodded ever so slightly but Quinn got it. Of course I remembered it. I could probably also recite each scene line by line.

"And you remember the credits and that song and that dance we made up?" Quinn said.

I nodded again. It was faster and harder this time because I was so excited. I think I accidently woke Santana up because she shifted and sat up. Her face was squished and her cheek had a Brittany shoulder imprint. She smiled lightly at me and then saw Quinn.

"Hey Quinn." She croaked. She tried to rub out the imprint with the palm of her hand.

"Hey there." Quinn smiled. I loved that Quinn could just carry on like nothing happened. I think that's why her and Santana got along so well. She didn't dwell on anything ever. Well almost ever.

"What are you doing with those things?" Santana just noticed the uniforms in Quinn's hand.

"We're performing a song this morning." She dropped two uniforms in my lap.

"What?" Santana said. Her eyes went wide. She was probably having the same reaction I first had.

"Don't worry. You already know it all. You've done it probably a thousand times." Quinn said. "I'll set everything up. Meet me in the auditorium in like a half hour and we'll go over it." She stood up and started to walk away.

"Wait Quinn." I said. She stopped and turned to me. "What does 'Hey Mickey' have to do with what you've done in the past few years?"

Quinn shrugged.

"Won't Rachel be mad?" I asked.

"Screw Rachel." Quinn said. She smirked.

Santana let out a low laugh. "That's the spirit."

"Plus." Quinn said. "If she badgers us I can just say it was because I missed you guys." She winked at me. "That part's definitely true." She turned and walked back down the hallway.

We snuck into the bathroom to change into our uniforms. I changed in the middle of the bathroom since it was still really early and I was sure no one else was awake and the only people here were glee clubbers. But Santana changed in the bathroom stall anyway.

I couldn't hold back the smirk when she came out. We looked so good. Her tan legs were just as hot as I remembered them. She smiled shyly when she noticed me looking. She took a step over to me and bit her lip. They were soft and swollen. I couldn't take my eyes off them. They moved up and down but I didn't hear the sound that came out.

"What?" I shook myself out of the trance.

"We should go meet Quinn." She said quickly without looking at me. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the bathroom.

Quinn was already changed and standing on the stage adjusting the same wires and control panel that Finn was playing with yesterday. She was too concentrated to notice us walking towards her.

"What did Finn do to this?" Quinn whispered to herself.

"Did Finnilicious break shit?" Santana said with her usual snark.

Quinn jumped a little in surprise. She looked at Santana and smiled.

"No, no I think I got it." She pressed a couple more buttons and twisted a few knobs. A familiar beat filled the auditorium.

Quinn smiled proudly. Santana and I climbed up onto the stage to stand next to her. We spend the next hour or so going over moves. Well actually we didn't really. Quinn was right we've done this so much that we didn't really need to go over anything. We just pointed out where we would stand when we did it and then got caught up talking about Quinn's life. She was going to law school somewhere in Chicago. She lived in a town called Evanston. I'd never heard of it. She lived there with her boyfriend. He was pre-med so they're schedules were insane and they almost never saw each other. Quinn sounded a little sad about it but she smiled again when she mentioned their plans to get engaged after school quieted down. Maybe sooner if it never does. Her boyfriend's name was Brett but she told us to tell Rachel his name was Mick if she got particularly annoying.

She invited Santana and I over one weekend for a visit. Telling us that we would love Chicago since neither of us had ever been. She told me about this giant bean thing. It was apparently really cool and she said I would love it. It sounded perfect. I couldn't wait to go. Even Santana sounded kind of excited.

"Okay guys." Rachel came into the auditorium clapping her hands loudly to get our attention. "You ready to go? We have a lot to do this morning."

Had we been talking that long? The rest of glee club filed into the room. They slumped into their seats and yawned. I was pretty sure most of them got an unwelcomed Rachel Berry wake up call.

"One second." Quinn called to Rachel. "I just have to run and grab something else."

Quinn ran backstage. Santana jumped down from the stage and pulled Rachel over to a secluded corner of the auditorium. They spoke quickly and quietly. I pulled my eyes away to keep from hearing anymore that I shouldn't.

Quinn came back a few minutes later with pom-poms she handed me a pair and gestured for Santana. Rachel turned and half walked, half ran up the aisle of the auditorium.

"Rachel?" Quinn called to her.

Rachel stopped and turned. "Sorry perform without me. Something particularly urgent just came up."

Rachel disappeared out the door. Quinn and I both looked at Santana who just shrugged. We got in our places and Quinn started the music.

Quinn was the middle with Santana and I flanking her just like the good old days. We danced and flashed the pom-poms perfectly in sync. It had been years since we did this but none of us forgot it.

**Oh Mickey You're so fine  
>you're so fine you blow my mind<strong>

It was so ridiculous and so cheesy but it was so very perfect. I glanced over the glee club members in the audience to see big smiles on their faces.

Quinn stepped up first. Singing the first verse. She made up her own dance and flourished her pom-poms while Santana and I smiled at each other and swayed behind her.

We took turned making up our own dances and singing a verse but we got back together and danced Unholy Trinity style for the chorus. It was perfect and it was absolutely hysterical. I could see the giant smile on Santana's face and I knew mine had to be just as giant. Quinn sometimes lost composure and a few laughs escaped while she was singing but that only made it better because everyone else would laugh with her.

**Oh Mickey what a pity you don't understand  
>You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand<strong>

It was my turn to sing a verse. Santana slapped my butt with the pom-pom as I stepped forward. I gave a second to turn and smirk at her before I started to sing.

**Hey Mickey now when you take me by the "who's every gonna know."  
>Every time I move I make a little more show<strong>

I used one of my moves from my sexy performance earlier. Quinn and Santana burst out laughing. I forgot the rest of the lyrics because I was trying too hard to not laugh but it wasn't working. We didn't recover until the chorus started again. The rest of the glee club didn't seem to mind though they were laughing just as hard as we were.

The performance ended and Quinn switched off the music. We all took a second to breathe before everyone started clapping. Mercedes wiped tears from her eyes.

"That was awesome." She said.

I sat down at the edge of the stage next to Quinn and Santana. We listened to Quinn talk about her life in Chicago. I heard all of this before but none of them did so I just waited patiently and looked around. I noticed Santana next to me. She heard this before too and she wasn't listening to Quinn either. She was just starting at her hands in her lap. I nudged her with my shoulder.

Her eyes were so soft and lost when she looked up at me.

"Are you okay?" I mouthed.

She smiled sadly but she nodded. She didn't talk because Quinn was talking and she didn't want to interrupt but I think she wanted to. It made my heart skip a beat. _She wanted to talk._ I wished I could have dragged her off stage. I would have listened to her talk until my ears fell off.

We just finished packing up all the sleeping bags and zipping the last duffel bag when Rachel came bursting into the room. She was completely out of breath like she had just ran a marathon.

"Of course she shows up when all the work is done." Puck muttered.

Rachel scoffed at him but didn't say anything. She placed a CD in Santana's hand. Santana froze and stared down at it.

"Santana, I broke over a hundred traffic laws to get back with this. You cannot get cold feet on me." Rachel put her hands on her hips. I was starting to wonder why I ever thought they could be a couple, Rachel seemed to act more like Santana's mother than anything else.

Santana gulped but she nodded.

"Guys!" Rachel called over the choir room. Anyone that was talking stopped and looked up at her. "Santana has a song she wants to perform if you guys could just-" She gestured towards the rows of chairs. We all listened to her and took our seats.

Santana leaned against the piano and stared intently down at the CD in her hands like she was trying to melt it with her eyes.

Rachel grabbed the CD and put it in the player. She placed her fingers on the play button and waited for Santana.

She looked up and her eyes met mine. She swallowed and stiffened her shoulders. She was scared but she was determined. I didn't know why yet but I was going to be proud of her. I just knew it. Santana nodded at Rachel.

The music started slow and picked up. Santana still looked terrified but her determination grew and grew.

**So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving  
>So here I go with all my fears weighing on me.<strong>

Santana glanced over me. She smiled sadly.

**But I know it's never really over. **

The music finished. But no one moved or clapped. It wasn't because Santana's voice wasn't as beautiful as it always was, it was because we knew she wasn't finished.

She looked down at the ground for a while. When she finally spoke she didn't look up.

"I had a plan." She said.

She looked up and I felt her eyes fall on me.

"It didn't look like I had a plan. But I did." She looked around the room. "I had it since the middle of senior year. Probably long before than. It was a perfect plan but than everything got so fucked up and than I fucked it up even more." She looked back down at the ground and was silent for a while. She bit her lip and narrowed her eye as she thought about what to say next.

"Three years ago, right before Christmas. I planned a visit to New York to surprise Brittany. I just finished my finals and I knew she was still stressing about the round of tryouts she had with the Rockettes. I thought nothing would be better than a stealth Brittany and Santana weekend." She smiled sadly. Her eyes looked everywhere but at mine.

"But I got so lost. I took a train to the middle of fucking Queens or something and I couldn't figure out how to find my way back. My phone didn't have service so I went outside to try to find directions."

"I stepped out of the station and it was later than I thought it would be. The streets were almost completely empty. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. Rookie tourist mistake. Some asshole grabbed my purse and took off down the street and into an alleyway."

Santana shook her head and looked down at the ground.

"I know it was a stupid thing to do. So, so stupid. But the biggest part of the plan was in the bag and I couldn't let him have it. I couldn't let him ruin the plan. So I chased him. I caught up to him and tried to grab my bag back. He was stronger and bigger but I wouldn't let go. Before I knew it he pulled out a knife and pinned me against the wall. He stabbed me in the stomach. And then he did it again. And Again. And Again. And Again. Then he took off with my bag anyway." She looked up again. I expected her to be crying now but she wasn't. She was so strong and so determined. She was amazing. So very amazing.

"Someone found me a little while later and they rushed me to the hospital. I asked the police not to call anyone. I was pissed. I was embarrassed. So I hid it. I thought once the scars healed it would be fine no one would ever have to know but they never healed. Hiding got so hard. Before I knew it I was addicted to my pain medication. When they stopped refilling my prescription I found a drug dealer to give me more. Soon he offered me more stuff. Harder stuff. I said no at first but than suddenly I had nothing left to loose. I did the harder stuff. I used it until I felt like I couldn't live without it. I blew through my trust fund in record time and my parents were pissed."

"They kicked me out of the house and took off for Florida. I lived in my car or did whatever I could for somewhere to sleep and for money for more drugs. I was shit broke until I ran into Rachel three months ago and she's been helping me get back on my feet."

I prayed for this to be a joke for her to say _just kidding_. Of course she wasn't kidding. I felt sick to my stomach. Even my body knew what my mind refused. My head was screaming at me to get up and say something but the rest of me was moving in slow motion. It was super slow motion. I was probably moving backwards.

"Santana." I heard someone finally say. Rachel? They sounded so far away like they were whispering from across a soccer field. "What was in the bag?"

Santana looked up and her eyes locked on mine. She was checking on me. I could almost laugh at the ridiculousness of it. _She_ was checking on _me_. I should have been checking on her. Why _wasn't_ I checking on her? Why couldn't I move?

"The Ring." Santana said.


	9. Sunday: Part II

**Sunday Part II**

**/*Author's Note: Here's the next chapter and its the longest Chapter yet but by far my favorite. I already had it written and thought I'd be nice, since I hate cliffhangers too. **

**As Always thanks for the reviews and follows I love hearing your feedback! Enjoy!*/**

I tried to heave in a breath but all the air had been sucked out of the room. I heard a gasp and I heard other people around the room muttering. But I couldn't think about anything else but breathing because my lungs were starting to burn. I was going to die. Santana just told a story about how she almost bled to death in an alley and I'm here about to die because my stupid body wouldn't do what it's supposed to do.

Maybe it was the fear or lack of air but my stomach churned. But I couldn't puke in the middle of the choir room. Rachel would be so mad.

My feet finally worked and I bolted out of the room. I didn't slow down until I reached the front entrance. I pushed opened the door and fell to my hands and knees in the grass. I tried to breath again but my lungs still weren't working and I wasn't getting any air. I took in a short breath that hung in the middle of my throat and gasped.

_Santana._

_New York._

_Knife._

_Ring._

_Oh God._ I heaved again and again but air wasn't coming. My throat felt dry and the more I tried to breathe the more I felt my lungs burn and my body started to shake.

"Brittany!"

Someone had fallen to their knees in front of me. But I couldn't look up at them. I felt stupid. This was stupid. I was fine just a little while ago why wouldn't my body work.

Hands gripped my cheeks and pulled my face up. I looked into Santana's almond eyes. Her face was full of worry and fear. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

Sorry. I tried to choke out the words but I just wheezed. Tears fell down my eyes.

"You have to breath." Santana said. She started counting aloud and breathing loudly. "One, two, three." And she'd breathe loud. I started to listen to her and followed her beat.

We did it for a while. Just counting and breathing and the burning lessened. My body started to listen to me. When the trembling lessened and my breathing became a little shaky but closer to normal, she stopped counting but she didn't drop my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." I croaked when I finally could get out the words.

Santana shook her head. "You shouldn't be sorry. That's way way too much to handle all at once. I shouldn't have dropped that all on you like that."

She pressed her lips to my forehead. I know I was gross and sweaty but it still felt wet and warm and eased the thoughts crawling underneath my skin. I smiled at her when she pulled away. She smiled back.

"Come over tonight." I blurted out.

Her smile fell a little but her lips were still curved. Her forehead scrunched.

"Please." I said. "Ashley had a soccer tournament and I'll be all alone."

It probably wasn't fair of me to ask. She always had trouble saying no to me anyway. Even if I hadn't just been hyperventilating in her arms. Her forehead scrunched even more but than she nodded.

"Okay." She stood up and reached down her hand to help me to my feet.

We hung out a lot later than we were supposed to but we needed it. After a few more hours of talking and laughing with the rest of glee club, a janitor came to us and started yelling.

We packed up quickly and ran to our cars and promised we'd see each other again soon. Finn drove Rachel home so Santana could come straight to my house. Rachel smiled so wide when he offered. I didn't know if they could be a couple again. I was pretty sure they didn't know either but at least they could be friends. It seemed to mean a lot to Rachel. Santana and I watched Finn's car pull out of the empty parking lot.

It was such a fun weekend. A little bit of a crazy stressful one but it was fun and I was sad to watch them leave and see the weekend come to an end. I'd be leaving for New York soon and it felt like when I left the first time. Like I didn't have enough time here even though I lived here for so long. I wanted more time with them. More time with Santana. I didn't want to leave before we fixed everything. I didn't want to leave before she told me everything she wanted to tell me. The only thing Santana needed was time. I always knew that but I forgot it when I got caught up in the craziness in New York.

I turned to Santana and saw that she was watching me. I turned my entire body to face her and grabbed both of her hands.

"Want to grab takeout maybe from that Chinese place you love?" I said.

She smiled. "Apparently I was the only one. They went out of business last year."

Weird how so much in your hometown changes when you're away.

"Breadstix?" I was afraid to ask because if Breadstix went out of business I would have been crushed. There were a lot of good memories there.

"Still going strong. They still have pretty much the same menu. Just tell me what you want." She smiled.

I smiled too. It was sad that I still couldn't remember the quadratic formula that I studied for hours and hours but I had the Breadstix menu absolutely memorized. That didn't really matter though I always got the same thing.

"The usual." I said.

` Santana smiled. "Perfect."

I leaned in to land a kiss on her lips but she flinched and backed away, putting distance between us.

"Sorry." I gasped. I felt my cheeks burning from embarrassment. I just assumed that's what she wanted. I just assumed everything was fine.

"There's still a lot-" Santana started.

"Oh I know." I cut her off and turned towards my car before she could see my cheeks. "I shouldn't have done that."

"See you at the house." I called as I walked towards my car. She stood there for a second before I could hear her feet shuffle towards her car.

I changed into a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt before Santana rang by doorbell. She held up the bags in her hand. I followed her into the kitchen and watched as she pulled out the food and set it on the table.

"I got like five orders of breadsticks. I figured you'd been gone too long to feel ashamed at eating that many." She said.

"Ha. I've seen you seen you eat like twice that!" I grabbed a couple of plates and forks and set them on the table next to the containers.

"Fact." Santana said. She gave a light laugh and smiled at me with one of those chipmunk smiles. That was my favorite smile. It was her life-couldn't-be-more-perfect-right-now smile.

We sat there eating for a while. I didn't realize how hungry I was. I ate through two of the plates of breadsticks before I even thought to offer Santana some. She wouldn't take any until I scowled at her and even then she old took two.

She told me stories about Rachel and her antics. How she was usually woken up every morning to Rachel singing in the shower.

"You think alarm clocks are annoying." Santana said as I put a handful of breadsticks on her plate. "Try the Berry alarm clock."

She was more interested in hearing about New York City and how I was getting along there. I told her about my new roommate. She was from Texas and she was a dancer in college but now she was a teacher at a local public school. Santana was weirdly interested in her and kept asking all these questions about her. I tried to impersonate her accent but all I could really do was say ya'll and dang and it didn't sound nearly as good as when she talks.

"You should come visit and you can hear it for real. Its super cool." I said.

Santana gulped and smiled. I wondered if maybe visiting New York would still be too hard for her.

After dinner I sprawled out on the couch with my head in Santana's lap. My belly was too full of pasta too function on a normal level. We talked and talked. Santana asked me about every little detail almost making me relive everyday she had missed. She interrupted my stories to ask me little questions like "Was that the shirt your mom gave you for your birthday?" and "Where was this place?" Even though it didn't really seem that important to the story.

After I think I ran out of stories there was a rare silence. It wasn't awkward though. I just paid more attention to way Santana's fingers ran through my hair. It was starting to get late. I wasn't sure how late but my eyes felt heavy.

"Do you want to stay over?" I asked. Santana's fingers froze in place.

"I mean just like sleep." I said quickly. We used to do that as friends so if that's what Santana wanted we can sleep like friends.

"Um." She met my eyes and her face changed. "Okay."

I lent Santana a pair of sweatpants and shirt that probably had been hers in the first place. I wore the sweatpants a few times but they stopped just above my ankles. At first I thought I'd grown super tall over night but when my other clothes fit I figured they were Santana's. I still wore them to bed sometimes anyway.

I was so tired that I jumped into bed and switched the light off before Santana crawled in. She giggled a little before she slid in next to me.

I stayed in the farthest corner of my side of the bed to give Santana as much space as she wanted. "Good night." I said.

"Night." She said. Her voice sounded kind of sad.

My eyes were heavy but my mind was wound up. I just wanted to wrap my arms around Santana and cuddled next to her warmth.

I don't know how long I lied there before I gave up on this whole space thing again.

"Santana." I whispered it as I turned to her. If she was asleep I didn't want to wake her.

She was lying facing the ceiling. Her eyes were closed but I think her mind was spinning like mine because she answered me so quickly. "Mhmm?"

I crawled closer until our bodies were almost touching. Then I froze. It was such a weird question. We never really asked. We just did it. It just sort of happened and now I didn't now how to ask it.

"Can I-" _Cuddle with you_. I couldn't say that. It sounded so weird. But I think she knew the question because she raised her arm up and made room for me. I crawled into her and laid my head into her shoulder. She wrapped her hand around my back. I felt a sigh escape from Santana.

I meant to ask her if she was okay but I fell asleep right away.

Something jerked underneath me and my eyes flew open. I was still lying on Santana but I had shifted so now I was half lying on her so my head was on the pillow so close to her cheek. It was late… or early? The sky creeping through the blinds was a light shade of blue. The color the sky got right before the sun rose.

I felt Santana jerk again and mumble something. She was having another nightmare.

I sat up on the bed and shook her shoulders until she woke up. Her eyes flew open.

"Brit?" she seemed confused as to why I woke her or maybe she was confused as to why I was there.

"You were having another nightmare." I said.

She nodded and pressed her palms into her eyes. I fiddled with my hands in my lap and waited for her. She sat up a little and looked at me. She knew I wanted to ask her something.

"Are the nightmares from the attack?" I asked.

She watched me carefully for a second. She was probably thinking that I was going to forget how to breathe again. I wished she'd stop protecting me. I needed to protect her. Why couldn't she figure that out? She nodded "yes" to my question.

"How often does that happen?" I said.

She looked around the room and rested her eyes on the ceiling.

"It used to happen every night for a while after..." She trailed off when she looked at me. Her saying that made me so sad. I didn't even notice. I could have been there to wake her up when the nightmares happened. I could have helped her. I wish I knew. I wish I knew to ask so I would have known long before now. I wished I could have protected Santana like she always did for me.

"Its not so bad now." She added. "I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. I guess."

She was watching me again. Checking my reaction. I stood up and stared out the window. I wanted to ask the question that had been gnawing at me ever since Rachel said it. I couldn't look at her when I asked it. I was so afraid of the answer.

"Do I make it worse?" I said.

Santana didn't respond for a while. I knew she was still there and hadn't fallen back asleep because I could hear her shift on the bed.

"Not exactly." She said. "You just remind me of everything I've messed up."

I shook my head to clear the tears in my eyes. But it didn't help. They rolled down my cheeks. I tried to keep my composure and swallow the scratchiness in my throat.

"Brit?" Santana said. I didn't turn around though. I waited for the tears on my face to dry. I didn't want Santana to see me crying. After everything she had dealt with I shouldn't have been the one to cry.

Santana stood up and called my name again. I hugged my body and tried to will the tears away but they wouldn't listen.

Santana rounded me. Her face fell when she saw me crying. She cupped my face in her hands.

"This isn't your fault." She said. "Don't you dare think it's your fault!"

"It is my fault!" More tears fell down my face and it only made me angrier at myself. I pushed her hands away from me and I yelled louder. "I knew something was wrong with you. I was just too fucking stupid to see what it really was. I was too wrapped up in my own freaking life to even notice."

I started to yell more and more but it was incoherent because Santana pulled me into a tight hug and I just yelled into her shoulder. She held me so tight I couldn't pull from her embrace if I wanted to. I didn't want to.

"Brit-." She said when I finally stopped mumbling. "I made the choices I made. I kept it all from you and you can't possibly have guessed all that." I pulled away from her so I could look at her as she spoke.

"I just didn't want to see that look on your face when I told you what happened." She frowned. "Kinda like the one you have right now."

I wasn't sure what face I had on so I contorted it a little. I didn't want to smile but I didn't want to have a face that made Santana sad. She laughed lightly at my effort.

"I just thought _after my cuts heal_. _I'll be able to see Brittany, after my cuts healed._ But they didn't and I couldn't exactly hide five long scars on my stomach from you. I shouldn't have hid it from you at all. That was my first of a very long list of mistakes. So please don't blame yourself. "

Santana shouldn't have felt guilty either. She didn't ask for any of this to happen. And yes I was a little mad at her for not telling me but there was only one real person to blame.

"How about we agree to just blame that asshole that attacked you?" I said.

Santana smirked and nodded.

"What prison is he rotting in right now?" I asked. I felt my fists clenching at my sides.

"Why are you going to go beat him up for me?" She smirked again.

I didn't answer. Maybe I would. I kind of hated him and I didn't hate many people. Rachel kind of annoyed me but I didn't even come close to hating her. Actually sometimes I liked Rachel especially after everything she did for Santana. I nodded. I did want to beat him up. I wouldn't hurt him like he did Santana that wasn't right.

"I want to slap him at least. But first I want to work-out so my arm gets super big like on of those professional arm wrestlers and then I want to slap him." I said.

Santana giggled but her face fell quickly.

"Well actually-" She kicked the carpet with her toe. "They never caught him."

My face fell. "What? How? It's been three years."

I looked over at me. "I didn't really get a good look at him but they put a trace or something on the engagement ring. But I guess he never tried to sell it or anything."

Santana paused and looked me over again. I felt my knees give way and I sank onto the bed. I had forgotten about the ring. Well not really. It was there in the back of my mind but other worries pushed it back. Now it was right there and it made my heart hurt. Everything could be so different right now. Everything for Santana would be so much better if it weren't for this guy and he was still out there running free maybe even hurting other people. I gripped the bed to steady myself. I hated that someone could do something like this and it could affect me so much. I hated that there were evil people in the world.

"I love you." I said. The words came out by accident. I didn't even know I was a going to say them or think about it but I felt it. I knew I felt it. I had always felt it and tried not to because it was a scary thing to feel when you didn't know if you were loved back or if the person wasn't there anymore. It was like an empty sad feeling that you confused with other sad feelings. But now it felt warm and amazing and I knew it was love. Even though Santana was sad and hurt I still loved her. I would always love her.

She stared at me for a while like she was expecting me to take it back.

"I love you." I repeated. I said it louder and clearer now because I thought about what I was going to say this time.

Santana smiled sadly. She didn't believe me again. I stood up and leaned in to kiss her but she flinched away again. That sad love feeling crept in my stomach. But Santana had to love me back she had a ring and everything. You don't just fall out of a love like that.

"I'm sor-ry." Santana's words buckled. She stared up at the ceiling before she spoke again. "Do you remember that time you fell into the mud that wasn't actually mud?"

I cringed at the story. I had to take five showers before I felt clean again. But I didn't understand what this had to do with Santana.

"You have dog poo on you?" I asked.

She laughed. It was short and barely a breath. "No. But I feel dirty. Like I need five thousand showers and to scrub all my skin off and I still would be too disgusting for you to touch."

I didn't get it she looked clean. She smelled so good. She smelled like Santana. She didn't need to shower.

"You know that drug dealer from the other night?" She said.

I nodded.

"When I ran out of money. I was desperate. And than when my parents kicked me out I was even more desperate..."

She trailed off and I saw her gulp down something in her throat.

"I slept with him." She said. She buried her face in her hands. I just waited for her to finish. "And others. I whored myself out just for more and more drugs."

She shook her head at herself. I knew that if she could time travel she'd go and take those back. I knew she regretted it and as much as it hurt me to know she did something like that it hurt me more that she felt like that. I wanted her to never feel like that again.

"Lie down." I patted the bed next to me.

Her head shot up at me but she listened. I shifted so she could bring her feet up. She watched me carefully.

I reached down for her shirt and pulled it up slowly. Santana grabbed my wrists to stop me.

"Brit." She said.

"Just your tummy I promise." I begged.

She bit her lip. "But that's where the scars are."

"I know." I said. That's why I wanted to see there.

She leaned back and closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before she released my hands. I pulled her shirt up.

Her skin was pink and raised in different spots. The pink skin overlapped in a couple places and went at weird angles. I leaned down and pressed my lips against the first one. She shivered at the contact but she didn't say anything or ask me to stop so I thought it was okay to keep going.

I kissed the next one. I counted the scars in my head so I didn't miss any.

_Two._

I pulled my lips into my mouth before I kissed the next one.

_Three._

I grabbed Santana's hand that was resting at her side and locked our fingers before I brought my lips down on the next patch of damaged skin.

_Four._

Santana's hand tightened with each kiss sending little silent _thank you's_.

_Five._

I lower her shirt back down to cover those scars again and I crawled up the bed until my lips were close enough to be pressed into her forehead. I held my lips for just a split second longer as I felt the tension ease in her face.

_Six._

I brought my lips inches from hers and waited. I knew she could feel me there and she could ask me to stop if she wanted. But I knew she didn't want me to stop. Her lips parted for me. I swallowed her bottom lip and held it until we needed to breath again. When we separated I rested my forehead against her's and I whispered my finally tally into her lips.

"Seven."


	10. Monday: Part I

Something had jolted me awake.

I hadn't even realized we feel back asleep but we must of because it looked like it was much later now. Yellow beads of sunlight were breaking in through my blinds now.

"Brittany!" I heard my mom call my name again from down the hallway. I wanted to stop her before she screamed again and woke Santana up but Santana was nestled into my shoulder. I couldn't move without waking her anyway.

"Brittany!" My door burst open and slammed against the wall. Santana sat straight up but my mom didn't even notice instead she was picking up pieces of my clothes and throwing them on top of the bed.

"You're flights leaves in an hour we have to leave now!" She said. She moved around the room frantically stuffing anything she found into the duffle bag.

"I'll reschedule." I said. I felt Santana look at me. I didn't look back at her though. I know she'd tell me not to do that.

My mom let out a low laugh. "You can't do that! You'll miss-" She finally looked up.

I felt Santana's whole body stiffen next to me.

"Santana." My mom's voice was a lot colder than I had ever heard it before.

"Hey Mrs. Pierce." Santana said with a light nod. I glanced over at Santana. She hadn't called my mom Mrs. Pierce since they first met and she was eight then. My mom corrected her like she always did and still does. _Mrs. Pierce is my mother, call me Janet_. But she didn't do that this time. My mom just nodded back and looked at me.

I suddenly felt guilty. Like I had been caught doing something wrong but we didn't _do _anything.

"Brittany could I speak to you for a second." My mom said. She gestured to the hallway. I stood up and followed her out the door.

She closed the door behind us and led me a little ways down the hallway so we were standing in front of the bathroom.

"Brittany-" She started. She didn't look cold anymore, just sad. I couldn't understand why. I didn't know what I did to make her look at me like she was so worried. It was so confusing. I didn't know why this was happening but I knew who it was about.

"Why are you mad at her?" I blurted it out because it was so obviously true and I didn't understand why. I didn't want her to be mean to her because I was sad when we broke up. _I_ broke _up _with her. She had always loved Santana. She should be mad at me.

My mom placed her hands on my shoulders and stared at my bedroom door for a moment. It was like she was trying to see through the walls and look at Santana. "You guys drifted apart these three years. A lot has changed, Brittany. Santana has changed."

It reminded me of the conversation we had before I left. Now I realized what she was doing. She was warning me to stay away from Santana without actually saying the words. I remembered what Puck said about it being a small town. I felt a gasp escape my throat.

"You knew?" I said. I shrugged her hands off my shoulders.

My mom's face fell.

_She knew. _

I talked to my mom at least once a week while I was in New York. She always talked about the smallest of workings of everything going on in Lima. She told me stories about her new Zumba class with one of Rachel's dads or about Ashley and her travel soccer team but she never once mentioned Santana even when I asked if she heard anything. But she had known and it hurt so much.

"I-" My mom froze on her words. "I saw her a few times."

I felt warm tears fall down my face. I cursed at myself for crying. I didn't want to cry, I was mad. I wanted to be mad.

My mom reached out for me but I backed away. She was the reason I was crying a hug from her wasn't going to make it any better.

"She was pretty bad, Brittany." My mom continued. "I tried to help her but she wouldn't let me. I think it was because it was _me."_

"You should have told me!" I was screaming.

"I know. I know. It just would have broken your heart to see her like that." My mom said. She was crying too and now I felt mad and guilty for making her cry. I think I felt guilty more. "I just didn't know if you could have_ done _anything." She practically whispered.

I hugged her. Mostly because I needed it and I know she needed it. So I hugged her tight. She kissed me on the forehead when we separated.

"I'm so sorry, honey." My mom said. We didn't pull our arms apart and she barely had to whisper for me to hear her. "She looks much better now though. I knew Rachel could whip her into shape."

I opened my mouth to say something to her but my door clicked open and Santana walked out wearing the same clothes she had been wearing yesterday. She froze when she saw us down the hallway. She looked like a deer in headlights.

"I–I'm sorry." She stuttered. "I just was gonna-"

"Do you have work today, Santana?" My mom stepped aside from me. Her voice was much softer and warmer than the voice she used for Santana in my bedroom.

Santana's eyes widened and she looked kind of shocked. She nodded. "Not until later."

"Great!" My mom bellowed. Santana jumped. "You can join us for breakfast."

"Oh no, its okay." Santana said. "I can just grab something."

My mom had already turned towards the stairs and flicked Santana's protest away with her hand. "You know the rules about staying over the Pierce house, Santana. You can't leave with an empty stomach."

I watched a small smile grow on Santana's face. My mom had already reached the bottom of the stairs. "It'll be ready in thirty." She called up before I heard her footsteps march into the kitchen.

I had called my boss to book a week's vacation to stay in Lima. He groaned a little about it but I've never taken a vacation before so he didn't protest very much. I decided I'd call the airline later. I had a whole week anyway.

* * *

><p>I had already eaten three pieces of French toast when I noticed Santana was still playing with the pieces of her first one. She was shuffling pieces of soggy bread across the plate and dipping it into the syrup over and over again but she never brought a piece to her mouth.<p>

It kind of looked like her hands were shaking too.

"So, Santana-" My mom called out suddenly. Santana jumped and her fork dropped on the plate with a loud clang.

"Sorry." Santana said before she picked it up again. My mom smiled kindly at her.

"So, Santana you're going back to school?" She said.

I eyed my mom_. She is?_ I tried to remember if Santana had said something about this before and if maybe I told my mom but I didn't remember mentioning it.

"Yeah." Santana said. "In the fall. I'm going to finish my associate's."

"That's great." She said.

"Thanks." Santana bowed her head and barely spoke in a whisper.

"Any plans after that?" My mom said. She took a big gulp of coffee.

Santana played with her food more. I don't think she liked the attention she was getting but I wanted to know the answers to these questions as much as my mom seemed to want to know.

"Yes. No-". Santana thought for a second. "Well I don't know. I wanted to go to another school after that for my bachelor's but I don't really think I have the money for it."

I could tell that Santana was so uncomfortable saying that sentence so I turned to Ashley. "How did the tournament go?"

I could see Santana silently thanking me for the change in topic. We talked a little about the tournament and how Ashley's team won their division and how well she thought she did. We sat for a long time almost way past breakfast time before Santana stood up and said she had to leave for work.

I followed her out the door and to her car before I realized I was doing it. Santana turned to me like she wanted to say something. Instead she leaned down and grabbed her duffle bag from me.

She pecked me quick on the lips before she leaned back up. It was short and innocent but I felt my cheeks flare up. She smiled at me before she threw her duffle bag in the trunk and slammed it closed. She had the biggest smile on her face when she finally looked back up to me.

"Tell your mom I said thank you for everything." She said.

I smiled. "You already thanked her for breakfast like - a hundred times."

"Its not just for breakfast." She said.

"What else are you thanking her for." I said. I tried to tilt my head thinking that could help me see Santana more

"Lets just say you and her share the same lack of sneakiness." She said.

I folded my arms. "I am so good at being sneaky."

"Mmmhmmm." Santana smirked. "Like that time you tried to throw me a surprise party?"

Santana held her hand to her ear like a fake telephone. She changed her voice trying to sound like me. "Hey Santana, if you were going to throw a big party, who would you invite? Oh, its for a class."

"That was a terrible impression of me." I deadpanned. I tried to sound serious but I knew I was smiling.

We both laughed.

"Just tell her thank you. From me." She called before she closed the door to her car and drove off.

* * *

><p>I found my mom cleaning the last of the dishes in the sink. She spoke as soon as she heard me.<p>

"I'm sorry I was so rude to Santana before." She said. "Rachel mentioned that she was clean I just didn't want to-"

"Why are you talking to Rachel?" I asked. It wasn't that I was mad about it or anything. It was just weird. Rachel and I were never really friends and she barely knew Rachel from the few times she came over to work on a song or dance number or two and from show choir competitions and my mom definitely never spoke to Rachel before this. I didn't even know how she got her number.

"I just like to check in every now and again." She said.

Santana was right. My mom wasn't very sneaky.

"You asked Rachel to help Santana." I folded my arms. "Didn't you?"

My mom shot her eyes up at me. She smiled sadly. She dropped the dish towel on the counter before gesturing for me to sit with her at the table. She didn't speak again until after we both sat down.

"Santana had been to the house a few times. The last time she was here. She was-" She thought for a second. "It was scary. She was so skinny. I mean she already is skinny but she was like skin and bones skinny. And something was wrong with her. I think I always knew what it was from her other visits but I didn't want to believe it. Not Santana. But I couldn't ignore it this time."

My mother looked at me for a little while. Trying to judge whether she should go on. "I offered or I guess threatened to call you. I thought with her parents gone, you were the only person she'd listen to right now when everything was such a mess. But her reaction was so- so volatile." She paused for a second to gauge my reaction.

"But then Rachel's dad told me about Rachel coming back to Lima for a few months. I knew her and Santana weren't exactly - close."

I let out a snort and my mom smiled lightly. _Close_ wasn't the word for it.

"But I thought that's what she needed. Sometimes a stranger can help more than a friend, you know? So I called her."

"Well Santana wanted me to say thank you for it." I said.

My mom's lips curved upwards in a smile. "She figured it out, huh?"

"She said the Pierce family isn't very good at secrets." I said.

She smiled. "Probably not."


	11. Monday: Part II

**/*Author's Note: I had been neglecting this story a little bit because it didn't have that many reviews but then I saw in the Legacy Stats that it had quite a lot of subscribers so I figured maybe people are reading and not reviewing. Which is fine of course:). **

**I just didn't want to leave you guys hanging if you are actually keeping up with it. And thanks to all of those that do review. I love your feedback! **

**I'm a few chapters ahead of you guys so you should be getting some regular updates soon. Enjoy!*/**

It was the late afternoon when a knock at the door stirred me from my nap. I slowly lifted myself off the couch.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. _

It was still too early for Santana to have gotten off of work but I was still excited when I pulled open the door. I tried to hide the disappointment in my face when I realized who was standing there.

Rachel's eyes opened wide in shock. "I thought your flight left this morning?"

"I decided to stay a little longer." I said.

Rachel's mouth curved upwards into a small smile. "Great!"

We stood there in an awkward silence.

"Did you need something?" I asked.

"Oh I-" Rachel shifted her weight uncomfortably. "I-I-I just wanted to see you!" Rachel's voice rose at the end of her sentence.

"But you just said you didn't think I'd even be here?" I said.

"Oh, yeah-well." Rachel stumbled over her words. It was kind of fun to watch her struggle.

I smiled. There was no way I was as unsneaky as Rachel.

"Did you come to give my mom an update on Santana?" I asked.

"What?" Rachel's eyes were wide again. "Nooooo." She dragged out the word. "Why would I do that?" She brushed off the idea with an overdramatic flick of her wrist.

"I know that my mom asked you to help her, Rachel." I said. "And that she checks in with you."

Rachel let out a puff of air. Then she looked worried. "Does Santana know?"

I nodded.

Rachel started to panic. "Oh God. Is she mad? She's going to be so mad." She brushed passed me and stepped into the house.

"She's not mad." I said. I closed the door and turned to face her.

"Really?" Rachel looked me up and down to check if I was lying.

"Really." I repeated.

I waited while Rachel caught her breath.

She seemed to suddenly remember why she was here in the first place. She looked around. "Where is your mom?" She asked.

"Grocery store." I said. "They want to have Santana over for one of my dad's famous steak dinners. She got all excited about it. Sorry, she must have forgotten you were coming over."

Rachel brushed it off. "Oh, no its okay. It wasn't planned. My dads are out of town and Santana's working. The house is super quiet without them so I just thought I'd come by."

We stood facing each other in an uncomfortable silence for a little while. I didn't know what to say or do. Rachel Berry and I were never really friends. Not the type that hung out alone together anyway. We really didn't do small talk or any type of talk at all except when she was asking me about sex or fashion. And those few conversations didn't exactly go well.

Rachel stepped towards the door to leave.

"Rachel." I called to her. She stopped with her hand on the doorknob and turned around to face me. "Thank you."

Rachel's eyes lit up in a wide smile. "Of course." She turned back towards the door and froze for a second before turning back around.

"When I'm bored I sometimes bring Santana food for her break. You want to come?" Rachel said.

I smiled at her. "Sure!"

We managed to make some small talk in the car on the way to and from the deli. She was fascinated to hear about New York and asked me about every little detail. Not as much detail as Santana had asked for but she still wanted to know a lot. I was so used to listening to Rachel Berry, it felt so strange for her to be listening to me talk. But the more I talked the more I realized how easy it was with her.

After we had pulled into the parking lot of the bar I felt much closer to Rachel than I ever had before. Maybe it was because we just had the longest conversation I'd ever had or because I really was thankful for everything she had done for Santana.

It was a weekday afternoon so the bar was practically empty when we walked in.

"Hey there Rachel." An older man called from behind the bar.

Rachel smiled at him and stepped closer. "Hey Clyde!" She stepped aside and pointed to me. "This is Brittany."

He grinned and then offered his hand. I shook it. His hand was rough and smothered mine.

"Nice to finally meet you." He said. He grinned at Rachel before he dropped my hand. "Santana's out back."

Rachel let out a frustrated breath. "Is she smoking again?"

Clyde laughed lightly. "I plead the fifth."

Rachel grabbed my wrist and led me back out the front door and pulled me towards the side of the building. There was a little alleyway there and a small covered chain-link fence that halfway surrounded a dumpster. It smelled funny, kind of like one of frat parties I went to in college. Stale beer and probably vomit. Thankfully living in New York gave me particularly skilled at dealing with disgusting smells. I shifted my breathing to only breath through my mouth. Rachel rounded the fence and stopped dead in her tracks.

Rachel's mouth gaped and her eyes opened wide. I followed her gaze and let out a silent gasp. Santana had her back against the brick wall of the bar. There were three men standing around her. I didn't really know what they were doing but I could hear the tone of their voice and see the fear in Santana's eyes. I recognized one of the men from the school the other night. He was the drug dealer that Puck knew. My heart jumped into my throat.

Rachel tried to pull me back behind the fence but I wouldn't move. I couldn't move I had to make sure Santana was okay. I wouldn't stop watching her until the men were gone and her eyes weren't scared like that anymore. Rachel tugged me a few more times then she whispered in my ear.

"I'm going to go get Clyde." Rachel said. "Don't move and don't make a sound. Okay?"

She wouldn't leave until I nodded. I listened to her footsteps as she walked away.

The drug dealer was standing in front of Santana as he whispered something to her but when she shook her head he wrapped his hand around her mouth. She let out a huff of breath through her nose and a white powder flew around her face.

"Oh come on, Santana." He bellowed as he wiped the dust off his pants with his free hand. "This shit is pure."

He tightened his grip on her face and pressed her cheeks together. Santana tried to twist her face away but it didn't work. Santana reached up and dug her nails into his dust-covered arm and he cried out before he ripped his hand away and back up a couple of steps.

My mind begged Santana to turn and run but she seemed completely rooted to the spot. She just watched him with terrified eyes.

"Grab her." He gestured to the two men standing next to him.

They stepped forward, each grabbing one of her arms as she tried to fight them off. The pinned her hard back against the wall and she let out a little yelp of pain.

"Just one deep breath through your nose and you'll have the best high of your life. I promise." He turned to retrieve a small bag that was lying on the ground behind him.

That's when he saw me.

They say in moments like this you feel a fight or flight instinct. And its just that an instinct. You are built to obey it because your body knows what is right and it knows when it's supposed to be doing something to save itself. And here every fiber of my body was telling me to run and run as fast as I could. I would get away if I just ran right now. Even if they did follow me they'd never catch me. I knew that.

But I couldn't let my body take me away from her.

"I remember you." He smiled at me. "Come over here."

I stepped forward. My steps were slow and forced because I was fighting against myself. It was like I was walking on a treadmill that was turned up way too high.

I looked up to meet Santana's eyes. Everything in her body seemed to fall.

"Your friend here keeps letting all this go to waste." He held up the bag of white powder to me. I didn't have to think too hard to guess what that was. "Would you like some?"

I shook my head so fast. I saw Santana struggled again. The guys holding her huffed at the strain of keeping her still.

He frowned. "Okay then." He took a something metal out of his pocket and flicked it. It was a knife.

I felt my eyes widen.

He turned away from me and held the knife out towards Santana. "Cut your shit." Her eyes fell on the knife and she stopped struggling instantly.

The two men released her and stepped back. Her arms feel limply by her side. She watched the knife as he stepped closer to her. He used the edge of the knife to place some of the powder on the skin between his index finger and his thumb and brought it to her face. Then I realized what he was trying to do.

"Santana." I couldn't help myself when her name escaped my lips. Santana looked up at me with the most scared and defeated eyes I had ever seen. I felt my heart break inside my chest.

He brought the knife to her cheek and pressed it into the skin there. Santana flinched and turned to look at him.

"I'm just asking you to try it." He said. He pinched one of her nostrils closed with his thumb.

She stole one last glance at me before she closed her eyes and sucked a deep breath through her nose.

He ran his hands through her hair when she finished.

"That's my girl." He whispered. Santana still hadn't open her eyes but I could see her grimacing at his touch.

A wailing sound carried from off in the distance. My stomach dropped from my throat at the sense of relief I felt. Help was coming. Help was coming soon.

"You bitch." The drug dealer turned away from Santana and pointed the knife at me. "You fucking bitch."

He headed straight towards me.

I tried to will my body to move. To run like it so desperately wanted to do just a few minutes ago but now it was rebelling against me. My feet were planted and the only thing I could do was close my eyes and brace myself for the impact.

...


	12. Monday: Part III

**/* Author's Note: Thanks to all of you who are reading and following. Since we all hate Cliffhangers I gave you a quick update :). Thanks all of you who follow, review, favorite. Those notifications are my favorite spam ;). hahaha. I read and cherish every review too so please don't stop :)... Anyway new chapter. Enjoy!*/**

"_You bitch." The drug dealer turned away from Santana and pointed the knife at me. "You fucking bitch." _

_He headed straight towards me. _

_I tried to will my body to move. To run like it so desperately wanted to do a few just a few minutes ago but now it was rebelling against me. My feet were planted and the only thing I could do was close my eyes and brace myself for the impact._

But it never came.

There was a loud grunt and then a thud. I was still too afraid to open my eyes until I felt something bump into my sneaker. I peaked one eye open and saw the knife at my feet.

There was a tangled mess of bodies in front of me. I saw the guy from the bar, Rachel had called him Clyde, lying on top of the drug dealer. He was bigger than him but not by much because the drug dealer tossed him aside and now they were wrestling.

The two guys next to him were just watching the action with their mouths open in shock.

"Brittany." Rachel called me. I looked up to see her coming through the back door of the bar.

There was a door there?

I looked to her left and saw Santana. She had slid to the ground and had her knees tucked into her chest. She wasn't even watching the fight on the ground. She was just staring off. I ran over to her and put my hands on her knees. She didn't look up at me. Her eyes looked glassy. It seemed like she wasn't really there.

"Santana." I shook her gently to get her attention and she finally turned her head but I still didn't feel like she was really looking at me. I noticed a single tear rolling down her cheek.

The police sirens sounded closer as I managed to pull Santana to her feet. I had to almost drag her towards the door and plopped her on bar stool as soon as we got inside. The few people that were at the bar earlier had left.

A few minutes later Clyde came walking through the back door. He shut the door behind him and locked it. He looked banged up but nothing more then a few scratches and bruises from his body rubbing against the pavement.

He placed the knife from the drug dealer down before he put his hands on Santana's shoulders. Her entire body sunk from the weight.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Santana hadn't taken her eyes off the knife that was sitting on the bar top in front of her. He shook her gently to get her attention. She seemed almost surprised to see him there when she finally turned.

"Are you okay?" He repeated.

She nodded. Her gaze fell back onto the knife then he turned to look at me.

"Are _you_ okay?" He asked.

I nodded. I couldn't tell who was the worse liar me or Santana.

"What the hell happened out there?" He asked me.

It wasn't a yes or no question but I shook my head anyway. I was too confused to really even form a sentence from my thoughts. I just knew that I really just cared about Santana right now.

The bar doors slammed open. My body tensed and I heard Rachel let out a gasp. Santana still hadn't moved her eyes from the knife. Clyde stepped around me and blocked us from whoever was coming into the bar. His body relaxed when he saw the two uniformed police officers searching the bar. They met Clyde's eyes.

"We got a call?" One of them questioned.

The police officers were both tall and burley or maybe it was because they were police officers and that's how I imagined them to be. Maybe the uniform made them look a lot taller than they really were.

One of the officers, the one that was talking to Clyde was chewing a big wad of gum. He would shift the piece while Clyde was talking and his cheek would get really big. Santana still hadn't looked up but the police officer noticed her. He ignored the rest of Clyde's story and stepped around him so he could get a look at Santana. He grinned at her.

"Santana Lopez." He muttered.

_They knew her?_

Santana looked up at the sound of her name. Her eyes were still glassy and her pupils looked really big. She still wasn't really looking at things, just through them.

"Are you causing trouble again?" The police officer tilted his head at her like he was speaking to a child.

"She works here." Clyde said in her defense. He stepped towards the officer but the other one grabbed his bicep to stop him. Clyde stopped dead in his tracks.

"Sir." The officer spun to face Clyde and spit his wad of gum at his feet. Then he spun back around and took another step towards Santana so now he was standing right in front of her. Santana didn't look up at his eyes. She just stared straight ahead and into his shirt.

The other officer rounded Santana on the other side. I noticed her leg starte to bounce up and down really fast on the barstool.

"It's been so long since we had to deal with you." He said. He placed a hand on Santana's cheek and pulled her face to look at him. "We thought you finally ODed."

She tried to swat his hand away but I could tell she couldn't really put force behind it. He pulled his hand away anyway and gave her a vicious smile. He stood up and adjusted his belt.

"To be honest, sir." The officer ran his eyes up Santana once last time and looked back at Clyde. "She's a known junkie and is as high as a kite right now. Any statement she made would be worthless."

I heard Rachel gasp next to me. Santana's eyes fell to the ground. She started scratching her nails up and down her arm leaving little angry red lines on her skin.

I stood up and I wrapped my body loosely around her to stop her scratching before she hurt herself. I felt her lean into me.

"He made her." I said.

The way the police officer looked at me made me feel so small. "What?"

"Her drug dealer forced her to-" My head was racing. There was a word for what he made her do behind the bar. What was it called? "Take it."

I just settled on the generic word. He'd get my point. I nudged my head over to the knife on the bar. I didn't move though I was afraid if I stepped back Santana would just fall to the floor. The officer took a step closer but he only glanced at it. Then there was the crackle of a radio and someone called out some random numbers that made no sense to me.

"Like I said. There's nothing I can do." He said. He stepped towards the door. "If she comes down and wants to make a statement than she can try but right now she's useless. "

And with that they were gone.

Clyde helped us guide Santana to the car. She lied across the backseat with her head in my lap while Rachel drove. I would have thought Santana had fallen asleep if her leg wasn't bouncing so much.

"Do you want me to drop you off at your house?" Rachel said.

I felt Santana's head shaking in my lap. She wrapped her fingers around the end of my shirt and balled it onto a fist. She was holding on so tight. Even if I wanted to go home I don't think she would have been able to let me go.

"Can I go back with you?" I asked. Santana's grip loosened and Rachel nodded.

"Of course."

* * *

><p>Without Clyde's help it was much harder to pulled Santana up out of the car and up the stairs to the guest bedroom (which was now Santana's). After we managed to get her onto the bed Rachel disappeared.<p>

She came back with glass of water for each of us. When Santana wouldn't take hers she just set it on the nightstand. Before she left Rachel whispered to me all of the warning signs and told me to call her immediately if I saw any of them. I promised I would.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Santana's face scrunch in concentration as her hand nails scratched up and down her arm again. I grabbed her wrist and pulled it away. Her eyes shot open at my touch.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. She just frowned. "Why don't you just get under the covers and you can just sleep until this feeling goes away."

She didn't say anything but she lifted her body up so I could pull the covers down. After she settled under the covers she scooted over on the bed and made space for me. I climbed in next to her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her body into mine. She buried her face into my neck.

Her breathing was ragged and heavy. I could feel her heart beating really fast. It was thumping so hard that I thought it was mine at first. It reminded me of the time I drank my roommates Red Bull. Except this was much worse and it made me so scared.

I pulled her body in tighter. I thought it would steady her bouncing but now her knees were banging into mine on every bounce and I could feel her rubbing her hands even though they were squished against my stomach. I just held her for a little while and waited for it to get better or for her to maybe fall asleep. But I knew She could never sleep like this.

"Santana." I whispered into her hair. I felt her shiver underneath me. I think it was a good kind of shiver. "You need to relax."

She shot up so quickly that she bumped her head into my chin.

"Ow."

"I have an idea." It was the first time she had spoken all day but it didn't sound anything like her. It was nervous and the words came out super fast like they were connected or like those times she spoke Spanish to me.

Before I could ask what her idea was she crashed her lips against mine. This kiss was so different from any kiss I had ever felt. It was almost like her lips were vibrating with energy. Her bruising kisses were immediately rough and desperate. But I was still too mesmerized by the kiss to stop her when she sat up and straddled me. Her kiss deepened. She wrapped a hand around each of my wrists and pinned them up over my head. When I finally realized what was going on my eyes shot open.

I tried to call her name but her lips swallowed my words. I pulled my head away.

"Santana stop." I said. I tried to free my wrists but her grip only tightened. She pressed her body further down on me, pinning me to the bed. She moved to kiss down the exposed parts of my collarbone.

"Oh – come-on-Brittany." She said between kisses. She pulled up to look at me. "You and I both know we want this."

I could tell just by her eyes that Santana wasn't there.

"Not here. Not like this." I said to her. Her eyes narrowed but she didn't let me go. She leaned into another kiss just below my ear.

"Like I haven't heard that before." She whispered into my ear.

My body shivered. Not from pleasure but from fear of this stranger that was on top and controlling me. Now I knew what my mom meant when she said that it was scary.

"Santana please." I begged. I tried to pull my hand from her grasp again but she was too strong. Which was weird. I had always been so much stronger than her but she had too much leverage on me. Her hands tightened and I let out a yelp of pain.

She ran her tongue up my neck. It was a move that would have driven me crazy any time before but now it just made bile crawl up my throat.

"Please." I begged her. "Please stop." I felt tears flowing down my cheeks. I slammed my eyes shut and begged for this to be a nightmare.

She traced rough fast kisses up my neck and landed a kiss on my cheek. She froze at the wetness there.

She knew I was crying.

Her headshot up and she released her grips on my wrists. I instinctively pulled them down and tried to rub the pain away.

"Oh God." I heard her whisper.

I looked up and met softer eyes. Santana's eyes.

She stumbled off the bed. She covered her mouth and shook her head until tears drifted down her face. She backpedaled until her back slammed hard against the wall.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She slid to the floor and tucked her knees into her chest.

"Santana." I called. I slowly stood up and walked over to her. I put my hand on her knee but she flinched away from my touch. Her face looked so sad but then she looked up at me and her face hardened.

"Just go." Santana whispered.

"What?" I asked her because I wasn't sure I had just heard her right. _She wanted me to go?_

"Please." Santana looked up at me with pleading eyes. "Just leave."

"Santana I can't just leave you." I said. I didn't understand why she was so mad at me. If anyone should be mad it should have been me, but I wasn't mad.

Santana shot up to her feet. There was a new fury in her eyes. I feel backwards at the shock of her sudden movement. "That's what you fucking do best isn't it? Just go!" She pointed towards the door.

New tears formed in my eyes. "Santana?" Maybe she hadn't come back yet. Maybe I wrong. Maybe I should just wait for her to come back. If she came back we still had a chance.

"Please." Santana grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door. "Just leave me alone." She pushed me out into the hallway and slammed the door it in my face. I waited for a while for her to open it but I only heard her sobs through the thin wood.

I met Rachel's questioning gaze when I asked her for a ride home.


	13. Tuesday: Part I

**/* Author's Note: This has become my longest story on Fanfiction to date (word count wise) and it's still got a ways to go. Yay! Anyway thanks again for reviewing and following etc. It's just really fun to tell someone a story and I'm really happy to see you guys enjoying it. */**

I was wide-awake and staring at the ceiling when my phone rang at 7 am. I reached for my phone so fast that I knocked it off the nightstand. It rang and rang while I stretched for it under the bed. I finally answered it without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Brittany?" Rachel boomed through the phone.

"Yeah?"

Her voice sounded funny. My stomach climbed through my throat as I listened to Rachel. I couldn't make sense of what she said I could only hear it get more frantic and frantic with each and every word.

"What?" I asked. When I realized she had paused and was waiting for me to speak.

"Can you help me?" She repeated.

_Help with what?_

I was missing something.

"Santana is missing." Rachel finally said after I was quiet for a while.

"I-okay-we." I couldn't process a thought fast enough to form a sentence.

"Can you help me find her?" She repeated again. I could hear the usual huff she gave when I knew she was starting to get flustered.

I nodded but then I realized she couldn't see me through the phone.

"Yeah." It felt more like I was talking through my throat then through my mouth.

"Meet me at Lima Bean in 15 minutes?" she asked.

I nodded again before I said yes. I was already slipping on my jeans and heading out the door.

* * *

><p>It was only ten minutes later when I pulled into the parking lot of Lima Bean. I decided to wait for Rachel inside when I stopped dead in my tracks. There was Santana. My hands froze on the handle.<p>

She was sitting at a table across from an older blonde woman. The woman was reaching across and stroking Santana's arm with her hand.

Someone behind me grumbled and I stepped aside to let a man in a business suit past me and into the shop. I watched the scene for a while before I felt like I looked like a crazy person and turned my back to the window.

I felt silly for feeling like I was going to cry.

"Great you're already here!" Rachel called from the parking lot. "I figured we could split up and search different sides of town…"

"She's inside." I answered glumly.

"What?" Rachel asked. She looked over my shoulder and I saw her eyes light up when she landed on Santana in the coffee shop. She had this weird proud little smile on her face.

"Oh, she's with her sponsor." She said. It sounded like Rachel had just gotten the best news ever.

_Was I supposed to know what a sponsor is?_

"Her what?" I asked.

"Come on." Rachel grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the door. I winced and pulled my arm away. I rubbed the little bruises that were there.

The older blonde woman saw Rachel first and she smiled widely.

"Rachel, long time no see."" she called. She stood up and embraced Rachel. I felt like that time I went to one of Santana's Tia's parties and everyone was kissing and hugging her but I had no idea who they were and what I should do.

"Out for an early morning cup o' Joe?" Erica asked when she finally pulled away from Rachel.

"No, actually I was just assembling a search party because I thought Santana was missing, since she isn't answering her phone!" She talked down at Santana's back since Santana hadn't turned around yet.

"Oh." The older woman said. She glanced down at Santana, who was giving her an I-told-you-so look. "I'm sorry that's my fault. We started a cell phones off policy. Ever since I caught Santana playing Angry Birds."

"Oh, that was one time!" Santana complained.

The older woman let out a laugh.

"And who is this." The older woman turned to look at me. Santana wiped her head around. When her eyes met mine I saw her shoulders slump. "She's like a younger version of me. Only hotter."

I smiled at the compliment. At least I thought it was a compliment.

"I'm Brittany." I held my hand out for her. She raised an eyebrow and glanced back at Santana.

"Brittany Pierce?" She asked it like I was someone famous or important. And it was a question more directed at Santana than me.

I nodded anyway. She squished my hand between us because she hugged me super hard.

"No handshakes necessary. I've heard so much about you I feel like I've known you forever." She said.

Santana didn't take her eyes off me the entire time. I could already see how awful she felt just by the way she looked at me.

"I'm Erica by the way." She said when we finally separated.

She made Rachel and I pull up to extra chairs and sit with them at the table.

I glanced over at Santana who was playing with the lid of her coffee cup and ripping it to shreds. I studied Erica as she talked to Rachel about a new play starting up in the local theater. She seemed so much older then Santana and she had a wedding ring on her finger. I didn't understand how they could have known each other. Then I remembered what Rachel said outside.

"You're Santana's _sponsor_?" I asked. I said the word all funny because it was a strange word and I've never said it before. I didn't want to say it wrong. I think it came out bad though because Santana shot her eyes up at me and Erica turned to me with what I'd almost classify as a scowl.

"Yeah, married people can be recovering addicts, too." She said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"What is what?" She asked. She looked like she was growing impatient like the teachers at McKinley used to get whenever I'd ask a question.

"A _sponsor_." I said the word funny again. More funny this time because I was trying too hard to say it right.

Erica's face softened and she let out a little laugh. "Oh, I'm sorry. I misunderstood."

She glanced over to Santana as if asking for permission. Santana didn't look up from her lid, which she was now bending and tearing into tiny little pieces, but she nodded.

"In the NA." Erica said. "Narcotics Anonymous." She added quickly. "Some of us have _sponsors_." She said the word like I had been saying it. I knew by her smile that she wasn't mocking me though just making sure I caught it. "A sponsor is someone who is kind of like a guide that helps someone through their recovery."

"Oh like Yoda." I said. I kind of liked the idea of Santana having a Yoda. He helped that Jedi guy a lot.

Erica smiled at me. "Exactly." She said. "Except talk backwards I do not."

She laughed and I smiled at her. I liked Erica.

"And on that note I need a refill." She shifted and stood up from the table and grumbled at the long line. "Rachel." She practically yanked her up out of the chair. "Come keep me company."

"Want a refill, Santana?" She called.

Santana shook her head.

"Young, hot me?" Erica turned to look at me.

I opened my mouth to speak but she already knew the answer.

"Oh you don't drink coffee right?" She said.

I nodded. I was kind of surprised she knew that.

"Hot chocolate then?" She asked. I nodded and thanked her before her and Rachel disappeared.

I watched Santana run the pieces of plastic through the ends of her nails for a while. She seemed determined not to look up at me.

"Santana…"

"Brittany." She interrupted me. "What happened last night…shouldn't of."

"Nothing happened." I said. "I'm fine."

Her eyes fell to the bruises on my wrists. They weren't dark or deep or purple. But they were visible enough to see if you really looked for them, especially on my pale skin. I hid my hands under the table. It wasn't like we hadn't bruised each other before, but these were the first set of bruises that brought me pain instead of pleasure.

"You weren't you." I added. Santana finally looked up at me and she had the same sad defeated look in her eyes I had seen so much this weekend.

"It doesn't matter!" Santana said. A couple of people in the coffee line looked at us and she lowered her voice. "It doesn't matter if I was possessed by the fucking devil. I should never _ever_ do something like that to you." Her eyes fell down to the table.

I reached across the table and grabbed her hand.

"Santana, look at me." I demanded. She slowly looked up into my eyes. "I forgive you." I squeezed her hand a little bit tighter so she knew I meant it.

Santana thought for a second. Her face scrunched before she looked down again. "This isn't going to work."

"What isn't going to work?" I pulled my hand away.

"Us." She said. She didn't look up at me.

I watched Santana and waited for her to look up. She never did.

"Nothing like a scalding drink on a warm Summer's day." Erica said as she and Rachel sat down in their seats.

I pulled my eyes away from Santana and tried to smile up at them. Their faces fell immediately as they took what had to be such obvious tension.

I thanked Erica for the drink and practically ran to my car, where I locked the doors and cried.


	14. Tuesday: Part II

**/* Author's Note: As always thanks to all those that read review and follow :)*/**

"Santana!" My dad boomed when he pulled open the door. He embraced her in a tight hug and squeezed.

"Hey there Papa P." She said.

He smiled wide.

"How have you been?" He said when he finally pulled away.

"Good." Santana said. She shot me a sheepish smile.

"If you don't mind. We're having dinner on the back porch. Its so beautiful out tonight." He walked towards the kitchen.

"Sounds perfect." She said. She started followed him outside. I brushed her hip and walked with her in stride.

"Brittany." She hushed in warning before she pulled away.

"Great Janet and Ashley are out back already. The food should be ready any second." My dad called over his shoulder.

My dad laid the plate of steaks out on the table a few minutes later. We ate almost in complete silence. I wasn't sure if it was because the food was just too good (my dad always went all out on steak nights) or if everyone could sense the awkwardness between me and Santana. In between dinner and dessert my parents stared to force some small talk. My dad had been the one to bring up Santana's parents.

"I actually haven't talked to them since they left." She said. She looked down at the tablecloth.

"Well you should give them a call. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you." He said.

Santana frowned. "Yeah." She didn't look up.

"Okay well." My mom broke the conversation. "I think its time for dessert." My mom asked Ashley to help clear the plates away and she brought out one of her rare homemade ice cream cakes. I pulled back the sleeves of my shirt.

"I'm so excited for this." I said.

"Britt, honey." My dad called to me. "What happened to your wrist?" He reached out for my arm but I pulled it away and pulled the sleeves back down. I felt everyone looking at me and knew they all saw and I had to say something. But before I could think of anything Santana spoke for me.

"I grabbed her." She said.

I snapped my head to her. _What was she doing?_

My mom had the most confused look on her face.

"Why would you grab Brittany?" She asked.

We exchanged a glance. It was the first time Santana had really looked at me all night.

"I was high." She said.

I was happy my mom already placed the cake on the table because I was sure she would have dropped it just then and it would have fallen and the plate would have crashed into a million little pieces.

My dad looked furious. "I thought you were clean. We wouldn't have invited you back into this house if we knew-"

"She is clean." I said. I looked back at Santana expecting her to tell the rest of the story but she just had her head bowed down.

"Brittany." My mom protested. "We've seen Santana when she was-." My mom eyed Ashley like she just remembered she was there. "I'm sorry Santana but if you're back using I can't have you come around here."

Santana nodded before she sat up from her seat and headed towards the door. I felt a sense of panic rise in my chest.

"She was forced to!" I blurted out. Santana froze and shot her head towards me. She was begging me not to say anything but I couldn't let my parents blame her.

"What?" My mom said.

"Someone threatened her and- and made her take it. I was there. I saw it." I said.

Santana's eyes widened. She swallowed a huge lump. She turned and looked back towards the door. I could see that she was contemplating running and hiding.

My mom looked up at Santana and her eyes softened. "Santana?"

With that I could see Santana unraveling. It was like she had just been slapped. She brought her hands up cover the small cry that came from her mouth and glued her eyes to the ground before she nodded.

"Oh my God." My mom walked over and embraced Santana and with that simple touch Santana came apart. She cried into my mother's arms.

* * *

><p>"Brittany I don't think this is such a good idea." Santana said. She was leaning against the doorframe of my bedroom.<p>

I had already laid out a pair of shorts and t-shirt on the bed.

"Rachel is staying at Finn's tonight isn't she?" I asked.

Santana rolled her eyes. "That whole 'lets just be friends thing'-" She made air quotes. "-really lasted a while."

"So my mom doesn't want you home alone. Especially after everything…" I said.

She frowned. "I can sleep on the couch."

"Its Pierce family movie night." I said. I stepped closer to her. "You wouldn't get the couch until it was super late."

"Plus I don't want to sleep alone, either." I whispered. I leaned in to plant my lips against hers but Santana put her hand out to stop me.

"Britt." She hushed.

I sighed and fell backwards a few steps. "Ya know this punishing yourself thing is punishing me too."

Her forehead scrunched. "I just don't understand how you can be so willing to sleep in the same bed as me and kiss me after I almost-"

"You didn't. It wasn't you." I said.

She grabbed my wrist with one hand and wrapped her hand around the bruises on my wrist with the other.. It wasn't hard enough to hurt just enough to show that her grip matched the pattern of the bruise.

"Seems like it was me." She said. She dropped my hand.

I sighed. I turned on my heels and went to my closet. It took my a little while but I found my air mattress hiding under the old Cherrios duffel bag I had tossed back in here. It was old and dusty from not getting used. It was one of those cool ones with its own pump that you could adjust over night but I rarely used it. We used it when Santana was younger and she would sleep over (before I got my big bed). But after I got rid of my twin bed Santana started to just sleep with me. Now I only used it when Aunt Marie came for the holidays when I would give her my bed since she was older and I slept on the air mattress.

I pumped up the air mattress and made the bad with dusty old blankest in my closet while Santana watched. When I finished I dropped the pajamas on her new bed and crawled into my own without saying another word.

"Good night." I turned off the light without looking at her.

I listened to her shuffle around the room for a while until I heard the squeaking of the air mattress as Santana crawled into it.

The room was quiet for a little before I spoke. "I forgive you Santana." I repeated what I said to her at the coffee shop this morning. "Maybe you need to start trying to forgive yourself.


	15. Wednesday: Part I

**/* Author's Note: **

**Hey All, once again wanted to thank you all for following/reviewing. ****You all keep me updating since I don't want to let you down :).**

**Also started a New Story. "Good Girl" An AU Brittana fic You can check it out on my profile. Enjoy!*/**

I felt myself curled around a warm body. My eyes fluttered open. Santana must have crawled into the bed while I was sleeping. I didn't remember it happening but my body knew enough to instinctively crawl into her. I glanced down to see my hand lying palm down on the fabric above Santana's stomach. Tan fingers were tracing the outline of my fingers.

"You're awake." She whispered into my hair. The tracing stopped.

"Noooo." I protested. I nuzzled further into her neck and gripped her t-shirt. I didn't want to get up, not now.

I felt Santana's stomach shake under my hand as she laughed.

"You sleep okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. You?" I felt Santana shutter from my breath on her neck. I liked still having that effect on her.

"Sorta." She answered. "Its hard to sleep when you're mad at me."

I sat up with my legs folded and faced her.

"I'm not mad at you." I said.

Santana smiled a little.

"Its just all so frustrating." I said. I grabbed Santana's hand and pulled it into my lap. "You're just so hard on yourself. All the time. You need a break."

"I'm sorry." Santana said.

"Don't be sorry." I said. I locked my fingers with Santana's. "Just be happy."

I leaned in before she could respond. I pressed my lips gently against hers.

Slowly she started to kiss back. She cupped my face with her free hand. Her touch was so careful like she was holding an expensive piece of glass and was too afraid to touch it with more than her fingertips. I swung my leg over her waist and leaned down into the kiss. I felt Santana gasp into my mouth. I took the opportunity to plunge my tongue into her mouth. She massaged hers against mine in perfect rhythm.

I wanted to kiss her. Everywhere. My free hand fell down to her shirt I slipped it under and started to pull it up. Santana broke from the kiss.

"What are you doing?" She gasped.

"I was just-." I let go of her shirt. "Sorry."

"No, its not-" Santana tried to sit up but I was still straddling her. I swung my leg back around and stood up off the bed. "I just still need to take things slow."

She grabbed my hand. "If that's okay?"

My head jerked up to meet her eyes. "Of course its okay." My smiled must have been so big because Santana's was so big.

"You know technically we never broke up." I asked. "We were on a break."

Santana let out a relieved laugh. "Is that so?."

"Yup, so you want to get breakfast, girlfriend?" I asked.

She grinned.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the kitchen

My dad had already left for work and Ashley had early soccer practice so it was just my mom, Santana andme eating breakfast. I wouldn't let go of Santana's hand the whole time. So we both had to do everything one handed which wasn't really hard because I just cut my pancakes with my fork and we used different hands anyways.

Santana she kept running her thumb across my knuckles every once and a while. I think she was just making sure was it still there. But I wasn't letting go.

My mom had this big smile on her face. I think she knew. She had to know. She kept looking down at our hands and her smile would grow bigger and bigger until I was sure it was going to explode off her face.

There was a _knock, knock, knock_ at the door and my mom got up to answer it. I checked the clock on the stove. It was only 9:00 AM.

I heard voices at the door. It sounded like a gruff man's voice but it wasn't anyone I recognized. He sounded all important and official by the tone in his voice. Maybe it was the mailman. Mailmen were kind of important and official. They had those important looking uniforms. I glanced over at Santana she was staring like she was trying to see through the walls. She looked nervous.

My mom came back into the room."Santana?" She called out.

A man snuck around behind my mom and entered the room. He was short and round and he was wearing a brown suit. Santana's body stiffed and her hand squeezed mine so tight.

"Santana Lopez?" The man questioned.

Santana nodded her head and swallowed down a lump in her throat.

"You might not remember me. I'm Detective Henson." He said. "I worked your assaut case in New York."

She nodded again.

Detective Henson smiled warmly. I think he could see the tension in Santana's face.

"We've been trying to contact you but the number you left seems out of service." He said.

"I moved." She croaked out.

He nodded. "Well we managed to get a hold of a-" He looked down at a notepad in his hand. "Rachel Berry and she said you would be here. Sorry for stopping by so early but I have to get back to New York and I wanted to give you the good news in person. We have a suspect in custody."

She squeezed my hand so tight I felt myself wince at the pain. She dropped my hand. "Sorry." She whispered out of the side of her mouth.

I shook it off and grabbed her hand again. "Its fine."

She smiled thankfully at me. She looked back up at the Detective.

"How?" She asked.

"His ex-wife actually. She had a valuable piece of evidence that led us right to him." He smiled.

Santana let out a shaky breath.

"We are just going to need you to come down to the precinct and identify the ring and do a lineup." He asked. "Please." He added.

Santana's body tensed and she tightened around my hand before she remembered to release it again.

"I can't" She said.

The Detective's face fell. "Without you this guy is going to walk."

Santana dropped my hand. "I just can't go back to New York." She glanced at me before she continued. "I just have a lot of stuff going on around here. Like work and..."

The Detective held his hands up defensively. "Look I understand. We get a lot of tourists who get- have things happen and never want to come back again. But I promise you New York City is full of a lot of wonderful things. Don't let one douchebag ruin it for you."

He held out a business card. "In case you change your mind." He muttered before my mom showed him to the door.

Santana studied the card in her hand. She flicked it between her fingers.

"Come back with me." I whispered to her.

She looked up with me. I could tell she was scared.

"I don't know, Britt." She said.

"I'll take care of you." I grabbed her hand.

She sighed. "Can I think about it?"

I nodded. I brought her hands up to my lips and kissed them gently.


	16. Wednesday: Part II

**/* Author's Note:**

**Check out my new story on my profile:  
>"Good Girl" <em>She knows when she goes to church with her Abuela on Sunday. She can pray her weekend sins away and she knows she's always forgiven. But this. This is different<em>. Brittana, AU.**

**As always Thanks to those that read, review, follow favorite blah. I'm happy you like it! Enjoy!*/**

All the glee girls and I sat around a pizza box in the middle of Rachel Berry's living room. The couches were pushed aside to make room for everyone's sleeping bags. We were having a sleepover and I was super excited. It was just like something we would have done in high school, except Santana and I never really had sleepovers with the other girls. But I knew she'd be happy with it when she finally got here.

"You know Brittany." Rachel said through a mouth full of pizza. "Girls' night was a brilliant idea. We all needed this."

The other girls nodded in agreement. I smiled at the compliment.

"Especially Santana." She added after she swallowed. "She needs to keep her mind off of everything."

"How is she handling everything?" Quinn asked.

I looked up from my pizza to notice everyone staring at me.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "She still hasn't said anything about it since she asked for time to think."

"Do you think she's going to go?" Tina asked.

I shrugged again.

"But you said the guy would get away with it if she didn't go." Mercedes added. "Maybe we should talk to her about it."

I didn't know there were going to be this many questions or even any questions at all.

"Guys it's only been like twelve hours." Quinn said. "Give Santana some time to figure it out."

It looked like they all had more questions but they were holding onto them. I smiled at Quinn thankfully.

"We need more beer anyway." Rachel said as she drained her bottle. "Brittany, when does Santana get off work?"

I glanced over the clock it was 11:00 already? "Now actually."

"Oh great." Rachel hopped up to her feet. She slapped Tina's hand away from the pizza box. "We'll save her the last slice." She shut the box and tossed it to the side.

Tina rubbed her hand and glared at Rachel.

"I can call and ask her to get more beer." I offered.

"Perfect." Rachel said. "My dads made me promise to not let anyone leave this house after they've been drinking."

"Okay." I stood up and walked towards the kitchen as I called Santana. It barely rang before Santana picked it up.

"Hey." Her voice had that softened sound that I only heard when she spoke to me.

"Hey, we need beer." I told her.

"Okay. I'll grab some." She said. "Is that what you're drinking?"

"Yea." I said.

"I got something better for you." She cooed through the phone.

I felt a smile grow on my face. "What is it?"

"You'll just have to wait." She teased.

"Is it the same thing you're drinking?" I asked. I hated waiting for surprises even if this wasn't a very big one and I'd find out soon anyway.

"Oh, No I'm not drinking tonight." She cleared her throat.

"Oh." I frowned.

"I'll be there in less than twenty." She said before she hung up the phone.

We were each four beers in by the time Santana walked in. I could already see Rachel acting a little crazy. My alcohol tolerance was much higher than hers. Apparently she took college way too seriously.

Santana handed each of the girls a beer and signaled me to follow her to the kitchen. I watched her put the rest of the beer into the fridge. She pulled out another bottle from a black bag on the counter. She held up the blue bottle for me to see.

"Whipped Cream Vodka." She said as I read the label.

_Oh my God. Why haven't I heard of this before?_

She poured me a drink using cola as a mixer.

"People say its tastes like a vanilla coke." She said as she handed me the cup.

"You've never had it before?" I swirled the drink in the red cup and looked down at the liquid.

She scratched the back of her neck. "Its not really my style." She let out an uncomfortable laugh. I think she was afraid I wouldn't like it.

I took one sip that turned into a giant gulp. It was good. So, So Good. It did taste like a vanilla coke but not that stinky one that came in a bottle but the one you got at that old fashioned diner on the other side of town. The real vanilla coke where you could see the syrup swirling at the bottom of your glass and you had to stir it really really fast every time you drank it or you would just get a taste of the syrup and no coke. Sometimes I didn't stir on purpose.

I finished my drink while Santana watched me. Santana smirked.

"Like it?" She asked.

"Yes!" I said. "Its so Good!"

She took my empty cup and made another.

"Just take it easy on this one." She whispered before she wrapped her arm around mine and led me back out to the living.

I lost count after five. Well actually Santana had stopped making them after five but it wasn't like it was rocket science or anything. I made them for myself after that and I learned the stronger you made it the more syrupy it tasted.

I was still trying to count how many I had but it was too hard especially with my brain buzzing from the alcohol.

When everyone else ran out of beer I offered them some of my _vanilla vodka whipped cokes_. I kept calling them that because Santana never told me the name and I thought calling them just _vanilla cokes _was a lie. They liked them as much as I did. It didn't take long for us to finish the bottle. Santana still didn't want anything no matter how many times I offered. She just sat on the couch with her arms crossed and this awkward little forced half smile on her face. She wasn't having fun, which made me sad, but she didn't even seem like she was trying.

Rachel and Quinn were singing some Pink song on the karaoke machine when I plopped down on Santana's lap. I think I plopped down too hard because she let out a _hmpf_ when I sat down.

"Sorrrrrry." I sang.

"Its okay." Santana said. She patted my waist.

"You want a sip?" I pushed the red cup under her nose. She turned her head away like it smelled rotten or something. I smelled it. It smelled fine. It smelled delicious actually.

"No thanks." She said it so fast. But it was forced. She wanted some. I could tell.

"Oh come onnnnnnnnn." I pushed the lid of the cup near her pursed lips. "Just a sip."

"No, Britt." She pushed the cup away from her face. "Stop."

"Stop being such a Debbie Downer." I tried to bring the cup closers to her. I tilted it up so all she had to do was open her mouth.

"Dammit Britt!" She slapped the cup away and out of my hand. It landed on the carpet and coke vodka poured out and onto the carpet. Santana pushed me off her lap and both of us stood up to our feet. I stumbled a little. I think my brain had trouble processing things when they were moving so fast.

I was expecting or maybe hoping that Rachel would freak out about the mess so everyone would look at her instead. But her and Quinn just stopped singing and looked back and forth between Santana and I.

"I don't want anything to drink, Britt. You don't have to shove it in my fucking face." She said.

Rachel let out a little gasp.

"I just thought-" I was slurring my words even though my mind felt like it was shocked into being sober.

"I'm a recovering drug addict, _Brittany_." She said.

They way she spoke my name made me feel so small. It was the way the teachers spoke to me at McKinley when they thought I was too stupid to explain something to and they were just wasting their time. Usually that was when Santana would whisper something in my ear that made it all make sense again. Santana had never made me feel small. She had always made the feeling go away.

"And you know what's been on my mind all day?" She questioned. She looked me in eye. Her eyes were so distant and so furious. "Drugs. Even with us being back together and how happy I was this morning. The only time I thought about you was how I would hide it from you when I got it. All I could think about was how I could get more. Who I could call and where I could get it. Even after I hurt you. Even after I almost-" Santana swallowed her words and looked back up from her feet.

"I'm sorry I didn't think-" I slurred and stuttered again and I think it only made her madder.

Her voice was harsh and furious again. "No you didn't think, _Brittany_. I'm a drug addict. I can't just turn it on and off. God, how could you be so st-" She caught the word before it came out and she shot her eyes up at me.

"Stupid?" I questioned. I felt my skin burning. "Was that what you wanted to ask? How could I be so stupid?"

She answered my question when her eyes widened and her face fell in guilt.

"Santana." I continued. "I'm not a fucking mind reader." Her eyes shot up again. I didn't use language like that often. "I can't guess what you're feeling or thinking all the time. What do you want from me?" I glared at her. "You were here for three years partially killing yourself and living homeless and not once you thought to call me and ask for help? And I'm the stupid one?" I let out a harsh laugh. It didn't sound like it had come from my mouth but I felt the vibration of it tickle my throat.

Santana's eyes fell to the ground again. I suddenly felt horrible. I was sick to my stomach like I was going to vomit. I needed to get out of here before I made a bigger mess of Rachel's carpet and her dads would never let me over again. I tried to walk towards the door. I stumbled at first but then gained my footing. I felt disgusting. My mind had caught up but my body was still off from the alcohol in my bloodstream. I stumbled again and grabbed on to the end table as I picked through the piles of keys until I found mine.

Someone's hand grabbed my arm. I whipped around so fast. Mercedes jumped back at my reaction.

"You can't drive." She said quietly. I looked back to the spot where Santana had been standing but she was gone. My shoulders slunk.

"Come on Brittany." Quinn wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me back into the living room. She led me to the sleeping bag and tucked me in. Suddenly my mind felt exhausted, like it had been running around chasing Santana when it was only arguing with her.

I kept my eyes open long enough to listen to them whispering softly but my mind was sluggish again like another wave of alcohol had just hit my body. I couldn't understand what they were saying. My eyes closed slowly and I fell asleep.


	17. Thursday: Part I

**/* Author's Note: **

**No more shameless plugs ;). As always thanks to all that read and review. Enjoy!**

***/**

I woke up to the sound of a rustling bag in the kitchen. I kept my eyes shut and tried to fall back asleep.

Then I remembered last night.

I shot up too quickly and had to grab my head to stop the spinning. I had to wait a second to stop my flipping stomach before I could look up. By that time all I saw was Santana's back as she shut the front door.

My stomach flipped again. I slowly rose to my feet and headed to kitchen. I filled a glass with water and gulped it down. That helped with the queasiness I was feeling. I glanced over at the counter and saw sandwiches laid out. They were each carefully wrapped in white deli paper. Each one was labeled with our names in red marker.

I picked up the one labeled _Britt_ and unwrapped it carefully.

_Bacon and cream cheese on an egg bagel. _

My favorite hangover sandwich.

"You got sandwiches?" Quinn questioned. She rubbed her eyes as she sat down on the stool in front of the sandwiches.

"I didn't." I said.

She shrugged as she opened the sandwich with her name. She smiled when she saw the contents.

"Then who did?" She looked up at me.

I shrugged.

"Santana does this sometimes-" Rachel said. I flinched; her voice was way too loud for so early after a night of drinking. "-since she doesn't drink."

Quinn looked at her sandwich for another second before she took a huge bite and let out a satisfied groan. "Perfect."

I turned from Quinn to Rachel. "Wait, you knew she couldn't drink?"

Rachel didn't look up from her sandwich.

"Rachel." I put my hand on her shoulder and turned her to look at me.

"She isn't supposed to." Rachel said. She looked back down at her sandwich to avoid eye contact. "Being clean means clean from anything mood or mind altering." She added.

She looked up at me and swallowed. "She told me not to say anything."

"She just gets kind of mad if I don't drink because she can't." She said. "And usually she's totally fine with it." Rachel let out a sigh. "She didn't think anyone would notice."

I met eyes with Quinn. She had this sympathetic look on her face.

"Eww, bacon?" Rachel dropped her sandwich like it was on fire. "The poor pig that went into that sandwich."

"The poor, delicious pig." I corrected. Rachel glared at me and Quinn had to stifle a laugh.

"Sandwiches?" Mercedes and Tina filed into the kitchen and took seats on either side of Quinn.

I handed them their labeled sandwiches and watched as they unwrapped them.

"Santana bought them." Rachel added.

Mercedes face changed from a look of curiosity, to a look of confusion. "What is that?" She held the sandwich away from her face. Quinn looked over her shoulder.

"I think that's tofu." She said. Mercedes put the sandwich gently down on the table.

"And here I thought Satan was finally being nice." She said.

"She is" Rachel scoffed and switched sandwiches with Mercedes. "She just has to be an ass about it."

* * *

><p>Quinn had grabbed me on the way out of Rachel's and asked if I wanted to get a cup of coffee. I said yes of course. I didn't want coffee although I was tempted because people always say that it helps a hangover but I settled for an orange juice instead of hot chocolate today and sat across from Quinn who had pulled the lid off of her coffee and was blowing on it lightly to cool it off. I watched the steam come up from the cup and surround her face. I thought about getting a cup of coffee just so I could do that. It looked sort of relaxing, like being in a mini sauna. She looked up at me and smiled<p>

"So, how are you?" She asked.

"Um-" I tried to think of something to say. _How was I?_ It was such a complicated question when it was asked the way Quinn was asking it.

She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "It's got to be hard-dealing with Santana."

I swallowed. I wasn't _dealing_ with Santana. She frowned.

"I just mean- it's hard for you too." She said. "Like what you said last night. It must be frustrating."

The more I thought about the fight last night the more my stomach tightened and the worse I felt. I pushed my orange juice away. I suddenly felt like I couldn't fit anything else in my stomach without bursting. I didn't get a chance to talk to Santana before she left. I wish I could take back all the things I said. Well I guess not take it all back but say them better. Some of it I really felt. I just wished I said it a different way.

"It's just that sometimes I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say." I said. I played with the label of my orange juice. Quinn watched me for a little while.

"She just seems so…different." I said.

"Bad different?" Quinn asked.

"No, No. Not bad different. Just different." I shrugged. I wasn't sure what I was trying to say. I was sure Quinn didn't either.

"I don't think Santana's used to this." Quinn said. "Leaning on people. Kind of like when she came out in high school. She wasn't exactly totally receptive to the help glee club offered then either."

I frowned. "She accepted it eventually."

Quinn smiled proudly. "Yes she did. And she was brave for doing it."

I frowned again.

"For a Type A personality like Santana, accepting help is the bravest thing she could do. She's afraid of help because she's afraid of losing the control she has over her life. That's probably why she turned to drugs after her plans didn't work out."

"The plans didn't not work out." I said. "She just lost a part of it." I didn't mention the ring because I couldn't say the words aloud without feeling guilty.

"The ring." Quinn said for me. "The ring was symbolic." Quinn added. "She worked so hard for it because she wanted to give you the best. She's always wanted to give you the best of everything Brittany. She gives you the best of herself and it makes her a better person for it. It's what makes you two so adorable."

I smiled back. Quinn smiled.

"Don't ever tell Santana I said that." She added quickly.

I let out a low laugh. Quinn smiled wider.

"The problem is that Santana doesn't think she's the best for you. Tha-."

"That's stupid." I interrupted. Quinn jumped a little. "When did she start thinking that?"

Quinn smiled sadly. "Santana has always thought that, Brittany. When she's with you she always had this smile on her face, like she's the luckiest person on the planet."

I frowned. "I thought you were a lawyer."

Quinn laughed lightly. "Getting there. But I still took Psych 101 in Undergrad." Quinn reached over and grabbed my hand again. "But I didn't ask you to coffee to make you feel bad." She smiled at me.

"I just thought I'd give you some advice from someone who's been there." Quinn said.

I shot my eyes up at her. "You-"

"My dad." She said.

"Oh I didn't-." I started.

"No one does." She said. "It started when my mom left him when I was in high school and it just got worse after that. But it wasn't drugs. It was alcohol. But I asked Rachel about it. AA and NA sound like they're very similar."

"They are?" I asked.

She nodded and smiled.

"What was it like-for your dad?" I asked.

"At first I think it was really hard. I wasn't around him then. But then after a few months we reconnected and I eventually started going to meetings with him and I learned a lot. We're actually closer now then we've ever been. I think it was a wakeup call for the both of us." Quinn's lips curved upwards in a small smile.

"You can just go to meetings?" I asked.

"Some of them." She added. "It helps. Other friends and family members go too. You should ask Santana if she wants you to go with her to one."

I nodded. I would do that.

"Santana trusts you." Quinn said. She rubbed her hand up and down my arm. It was comforting. "If anyone can help her, it's you." She took a gulp of coffee. "And apparently Rachel Berry." She added with a smirk.

I smiled back at her. "Who knew?"

Quinn laughed. "Yeah, who knew?"


	18. Thursday: Part II

**/*Author Note: **Just an FYI The rating has changed from T - M.** Thanks to All those that read and Review. Enjoy!*/**

I stepped into the bar and sat at the first stool by the end. If the bar was quiet when Rachel and I came before it was absolutely dead now. I checked my watch and saw that it wasn't even one. I guess I would look like a crazy person if I walked into any other bar this early on a Thursday.

Santana hadn't noticed me walk in yet. She was just wiping the bar with a wet towel. She hadn't even looked up yet.

I thought for a second and wondered if I really wanted to drink. I was feeling better from this morning but the thought of consuming alcohol right now made my head hurt.

"What's in a mimosa?" I asked. I remembered having those at brunches a few times so it was probably a breakfast drink.

Santana's eyes shot up to me. Her face changed between so many emotions so quickly. First she was confused, then scared, then she looked kind of guilty, then just sad.

She quirked an eyebrow and answered me anyway. "Orange juice and champagne."

"Can I get that… without the champagne?" I said.

She laughed a little. She turned around and poured the drink for me. She even put it in a little champagne glass so no one would notice that I wasn't really drinking anything alcoholic when they walked in.

She laid down a tiny napkin and the drink. She was a good bartender. I made a mental note to tip her well. I pulled out my wallet but Santana stopped me.

"It's on the house." She said.

"Oh thanks." I smiled at her before I stuffed my wallet back in my bag. It seemed like things were better without actually talking about them but I remembered what Quinn said. We couldn't do that anymore.

I checked the bar again to make sure it was empty.

"Doesn't this bother you?" I asked.

"Does what bother me?" She asked. It was obvious how on edge she felt. I felt like I had to choose my words carefully or I'd scare her off.

"Working at a bar, when you can't drink." I said.

Her whole body stiffened and she looked me over for a second. She watched me for a little and when she seemed satisfied that I wasn't going to run away, she answered.

"Not really." She said. "I guess being around it so much makes it the last thing I want when I get home."

I nodded. I guess it made sense.

"Plus when I see all the idiots drunk on weekend nights it's kind of inspiration to never drink again." She added. She laughed uncomfortably.

I smiled at her. "Listen about last night-" I started.

She waved her hand. "Let's just forget about it." She said. She tried to smile at me to show me that it was okay but I knew it wasn't

"No we can't." I said.

Santana frowned.

"What I said and the way I said it was wrong and I'm sorry about that but some of it, I meant." I said.

"I can't read your mind." I clarified. "You need to help me out here." I whispered to her because two customers just walked into the bar.

They were wearing business suits and they sat down together at the other end of the bar. Santana signaled for me to wait a second she went to get the two business men a couple of beers on draft. I guess she came in often because she knew their orders without asking them. They smiled at her as she placed the drinks down in front of them. They went back to talking to each other when she headed back to stand in front of me.

"Sorry." She said. "You were saying?"

I picked the conversation right back up where it left off. "I can't tell what you're thinking and feeling and I know that it's hard for you to talk about." She flinched a little but I knew she was still listening. "But you need to talk to me. I can help you."

"I know Britt but you shouldn't have to-" She began.

I held up my hand to stop her mid-sentence. I wasn't done. "You are so strong Santana. You always have been the strong one and you've protected me since I can remember. But you don't always have to. I can support you too and I can be strong for you if you'd just let me." I said.

"I guess it's just hard for me to understand. It's like when I found out that that stupid rock could hurt superman. Like why doesn't he just kick it away or something? You are like a superhero to me and I know you can beat it so easily but I think I finally figured out why it's so hard for you. The issue isn't whether or not you can beat it but if _you_ think you can beat it and that's what's holding you back. You always assume the worst in people, especially in yourself. You can't see what I can see...But you're going to be clean and happy and trust yourself. You just have to let me be there for you okay?" I said.

Santana was quiet for a while but I knew she was just digesting it all. I thought about what Quinn said and. I knew Quinn was right and that it was hard for Santana to give up control and let herself be vulnerable.

She nodded for a second and I could see a little tear fall down her cheek. I smiled at her. I was half-contemplating the likelihood of me falling on my face if I tried to hop the bar and hug her but she spoke before I could come to a decision.

"You know I don't think you're stupid." She said. "I've never _ever_ thought that." She shook her head at herself. I grabbed her hand that was still holding the wet cloth and squeezed it.

"I was just frustrated and I was taking it out on you." She said.

"It's fine." I added. "That's going to happen sometimes."

She shook her head at herself again. "You can't give me all of these Get Out of Jail Free cards."

"It's okay." I said. "You'll think of a way to make it up to me." I smirked at her.

She shook her head at me but she smiled as she did it.


	19. 2 Friday: Part I

**/* Author's Note: As always thanks to those that read/review/follow love hearing from you. Enjoy! */**

It was kind of early in the morning but no one was home when I woke up. My dad was at work as usual. Ashley seemed to have soccer practice every morning now and my mom must have been out shopping or something. I had poured myself a huge bowl of cocoa puffs. It was my favorite cereal since you always got chocolate milk at the end.

I took in my first bite when the doorbell rang. I took the bowl with me when I went to answer the door. I took another spoonful into my mouth as I walked through the hallway and pulled open the door as I chewed.

I smiled a closed mouth smile since I still had cereal in my mouth.

"Hi." Santana said. She smiled nervously.

I swallowed. "Hey." I said.

She stood there for a second.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked finally.

"Sure." She nodded and stepped in the door.

I closed the door and took another bite of my cereal.

She just stood at the other end of the hall and watched me for a little. I felt rude for not offering her any. I knew she'd say no because she didn't like Cocoa Puffs but I should of offered anyway. My mom always told me to do these things.

"Do you want some?" I held up the bowl so she could see what I was eating.

She smiled nervously again. "No thank you."

"Do you want to watch TV?" I asked. Santana was acting so weird and it was making me nervous.

"No actually-" She looked down at her hands. "I wanted to talk to you."

I swallowed my cereal with an oddly dry gulp. "Okay."

She was silent for a little while. My stomach was flipping and turning and I abandoned my cereal to get soggy. I suddenly didn't want chocolate milk anymore.

"I was thinking about going-" She said. "To New York. I know you offered but after everything I wasn't sure..."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. "You're seriously going to come?"

"If its okay with you?" she said.

"Of course its okay." I jumped up and down and hugged her tight. I had completely forgotten about my cereal and accidently poured half of it down her back before I could turn the bowl up the right way.

"Brit." Santana hushed.

She tried to twist her body away from the liquid but I could see the dark stain from the milk soaking into the white tank top she was wearing. I pulled away.

"Oh I'm sorry." I said.

Santana smiled. It was a regular smile this time. "Its fine."

"Come on." I grabbed her wrist and pulled her upstairs to my bedroom.

I pulled her into the door and dropped her hand before I grabbed a fist full of the fabric of her tank top. I yanked her shirt up and over her head before she could react.

"Brittany!" She gasped.

"Its fine." I threw the shirt into the hamper. "No one's home."

I turned to my dresser and started to dig out a couple of tank tops.

"Besides you'll start smell like the basement carpet after that time I tried to feed Lord Tubbington hot chocolate." I said. I thought that would make her laugh or scoff or something but she didn't say anything.

I finally had a couple of tank tops in my hand but I decided to go with the red one. I liked when Santana wore red. I finally turned back to her. My whole body fell when I saw her standing there. She was purposely looking away from me. She looked so small as she tried to cover her her body. But it wasn't in the way someone would normally cover herself when standing in just their bra and jeans.

She was covering her stomach.

"Santana?" I took a step towards her.

She swallowed and a slow tear fell down her check. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out and smashed it against the wall and it had shattered like glass into a million little pieces. Santana had never been uncomfortable with her body around me. She actually loved to parade it in front of me. She knew what it did to me and how much I loved it but now she was afraid for me to even look at her.

I kept my eyes locked on her face as I helped her into the shirt. She lifted her arms into it and she tugged the shirt down hard and fast to cover her body. She still didn't look at me.

I kissed her wet cheek and brought her head into my chest. Her shoulders shook with a low sob.

I slipped a hand under her tank top and placed my palm on the damaged skin there.

'I love each and every piece of you." I said.

Her shoulders shook again. "I'm sorry." She muttered into my shoulder.

I stepped back a little bit until she looked up at me. "These." I traced my fingers along a scar. "These remind me of how strong you are."

Her hardened eyes studied mine for a while. I saw them soften as she took what I said.

Santana swallowed my bottom lip. She just held it in her mouth until I could react. I kissed her back. I pressed my palm harder against her stomach.

It felt like time had stood still and moved too fast at the same time. When we finally broke apart I was breathing heavily like I had been running a marathon but it felt like we had only been kissing for a few seconds.

Santana looked up at me. She took a step back and wiped her eyes.

"You taste like chocolate." She smirked.

I smiled back. I pulled her in and kissed her. I went deeper this time. Even though I lost all sense of time with my tongue in her mouth I knew we kissed for longer. I could feel my hand slipping further up her shirt. I cupped her breast.

Santana gasped and broke the kiss for a second. Then she kissed me back. This was more to this kiss, more desire and more desperation. She bit my bottom lip and pulled it into her mouth before she wrapped her lips around it.

I didn't even realize we were moving until I was falling back against my bed. Santana climbed on top of me. Her kisses were rough now but I didn't mind it. I liked these kisses. I missed these kisses.

She ran her nails lightly up and down my arm as we kissed. She pulled away from the kiss and kissed just under my ear. Her fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulled them over my head as she worked her way down to my neck. She gripped my wrists.

A sudden pain shot through my body and I jerked my hands away from her grip. I had forgotten about the bruises there.

Santana's eyes shot open and she sat up. She rubbed my wrist gently. The bruises were breaking and healing but they looked darker now. And they definitely still hurt.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She sat up and got off the bed.

My body was still on the matress as I recovered from the shock of what just didn't happen or more importantly what didn't just happen.

"I'm sorry." She said again as I sat up.

I rubbed my wrist. It still ached a little from her grabbing it.

"Its fine." I reassured her. I stood up slowly and took a step towards her but she backed away.

"Sorry." She said again.

"Santana. Stop apologizing." I said.

"We're not- I'm not ready. I shouldn't-" She started.

"Its fine Santana." I said.

I wrapped my arms around her.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Tell you what." I broke from the hug to look at her. "You promise to tell me when everything isn't fine. And I promise to do the same." I said.

She nodded and laid her head against my chest. "I promise."

We hugged for a little while and enjoyed the feeling of each other. "Now time to book some plane tickets." I said. I broke the hug and reached for my phone.


	20. 2 Friday: Part II

**/*Author's Note: Thanks to all those that read/review/follow. Love you guys and love reading you're wonderful comments. **

**Remember to follow my other story "Good Girl", an AU Brittana fic, I'll be focusing after I finish this one. **

**Enjoy!*/**

"The man always pays. Its called Chivalry, Finnocence. Did they teach you nothing at that military school?" Santana said. She shoved the check across the table.

"I'll spilt it with you." Finn said. He leaned back and pulled out a credit card from his wallet. "This is a double date. I'll pay for Rachel and I but I'm not paying for the whole thing."

Santana scoffed. Before she could say anything else I dropped my credit card next to Finn's.

Santana shot her eyes up at me.

"It's my turn." I said with a small shrug.

She frowned.

"You paid that one time we went out to that singing diner." I said.

Santana frowned, her forehead scrunched for a second as I saw her trying to find the memory.

I looked across the table at Rachel and Finn who looked confused.

"We have a sort of deal." I said to them. "We used to always argue over who should pay. But for the sake of the poor waitresses that helped us we decided that rotating who paid was the easiest way." I said. "And Santana paid the last time we went out when she came to visit me."

"Britt?" Santana called. She I turned to look back at her. Her face softened from the glare she had been giving Finn. "That was three years ago. You remembered who's turn it was to pay?"

I shrugged. Of course I always remembered Santana always tried to trick me so she could pay again. She never got away with it though.

The waitress came by and took our credit cards. Santana didn't protest. Finn and Santana met eyes again and she they went back to glaring at each other.

"So you guys are leaving tomorrow huh?" Rachel said in a blatant attempt to break the tension.

"Yeah." I said. I looked over at Santana but she had locked eyes with Finn. "The tickets were super cheap."

"Clyde is okay with it?" Rachel asked. She looked over at Santana who finally pulled her eyes away from Finn and their glaring contest.

"Yeah I explained the situation to him. Mostly. And he was adamant that I take off and go take care of this." Santana kind of shrugged.

"Well it should be fun–" Rachel said. "-for the most part." She said when Santana raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean there'll be other stuff to do besides that…stuff."

Rachel nodded over at me for help.

_Crap. _

I should have been planning fun things to do but I was in bed cuddling with Santana all day. I didn't have time.

"Yeah, totally." I said. It wasn't very convincing. I was still trying to think of things we could do when we got to New York tomorrow.

Rachel rolled her eyes at me. "Are you guys all packed?" She changed the subject.

"Kinda." I said. That was another lie. I completely hadn't packed.

Santana didn't even bother lying. "Not at all." She said.

"Well you should probably get home and pack!" Rachel said. Her voice sounded like she was full of panic.

"I perform best under pressure anyway." Santana said. She winked over at me.

Rachel rolled her eyes again.

* * *

><p>"We aren't being very efficient right now. I giggled into Santana's lips.<p>

Santana placed a kiss on the side of my mouth before she pulled away. "You're right. We should get you packed."

She leaned down and picked up my duffel bag from the floor.

"Oh, no I don't want to use that one anymore." I walked over to my closet and fished the old Cheerios duffel bag out from the corner.

"I want to use this one." I said.

She smirked as she held the bag in her hands. She laid it out on the bed and packed some of the clothes we managed to set aside before our latest lip locking session.

"Done." Santana smirked and pulled me in for another kiss.

I let her kiss me for second before I pulled away. "Not even close! Plus _you _aren't packed yet either." I held up the empty duffel bag I had been using before the Cheerios one. "Did _you_ need a bag?" I asked.

Santana smirked and took the bag from me. "Sure." She leaned in for another kiss but I put my hand on her chest to keep her back.

"No. Packing. Now." I said. Santana frowned. "Sweet lady kisses tomorrow. New York Style." I added.

Santana smirked. She turned towards my bed and started folding one of my shirts.

"I'm curious to know what a New York style sweet lady kiss is." She said under her breath.

"Its a kiss with an accent." I told her.

Santana quirked an eyebrow at me but instead of asking about it she let out a little laugh.


	21. 2 Saturday: Part I

**/* Author's Note: As always thanks to all those that read/review/follow. Love all my readers out there. Enjoy! */**

I watched as Santana gripped the sides of the seat. Her knuckles were turning white and her eyes were forced shut. Santana jumped when the seat belt signal dinged. The pilot's voice started to crackle over the loud speaker and echoed around the plane.

"We're now cruising at thirty-six thousand feet." He said.

Santana still didn't open her eyes. She had them shut since we took off. Her grip on the seat loosened. I grabbed her hand and locked our fingers. Santana finally peaked one eye open.

"You seriously don't like flying." I said.

The only time we've ever really flown together was that one trip to New York for Glee club. All other times it's been me going to visit her or her coming to visit me. I never noticed her fear of flying being this bad.

Santana slammed her eyes shut again and shook her head. I patted her hand.

"Its fine. Most airplane accidents happen during take off and landing." I said.

Her eyes flew open. "Why would you say that?" She whispered.

_Crap._

"I thought it would make it better." I said quickly. "Like you only have to worry a short period of time."

Santana swallowed. "Um thanks.' I knew I didn't help at all. I probably made it worse.

She slammed her eyes shut again. I glanced out the window to see the landscape. We were so far up I couldn't make out the houses or cars or people below but I knew they were all there. I looked back at Santana. I leaned across and pecked her on the lips. Her mouth curved upwards in a small smile. That helped. I pecked her again. Santana's hand squeezed mine.

I looked up and saw an older woman staring at us from across the aisle. She was scowling at me but as soon as we met eyes she jerked her head away.

"How did you do this when you visited all those other times?" I asked trying to divert my attention to from the woman.

I was still looking at the woman who had been scowling before but now she was pretending to be reading one of the plane magazines that you get in the back pocket of the airplane seat. Santana didn't notice because she still had her eyes shut and her head was leaning back against the seat.

"One of mom's Xanax and a little help from my dear friend Jack Daniels." She said. "I usually passed out before we even hit the runway."

"Well maybe you can try to sleep now." I said. I tugged her hand towards me and her body sunk into mine. She rested her head on my shoulder.

Santana let out a breath. "Yeah, maybe."

The woman was glaring at us again. I locked eyes with her for a second before she scoffed and went back to her magazine.

Santana fell asleep almost instantly. It probably had something to do with the fact that we had spent the entire night packing (and kissing). So we didn't have much time to sleep. I think I might have fallen asleep too.

The next thing I remembered was the crackle of the pilot's voice when he told us to get ready for landing.

The stewardess came over to me and smiled sweetly. "I'm sorry, girls." She said. "But you're going to have to sit upright for landing."

I nodded. She turned away to speak to other passengers that were breaking the landing rules. I nudged Santana awake. She sat up slowly and looked around.

"Did we die yet?" She asked.

I let out a laugh. "No, we're landing."

"Oh, so we're _going_ to die." She said. She nuzzled back into my shoulder.

"We're not going to d-." I started. I looked over at the the woman was glaring again. She wasn't looking away even when we met eyes.

Santana looked up at me and then followed my eyes. When Santana looked the woman finally leaned over and said something.

"You know there are families on this plane." The woman said.

Santana locked her fingers around my hand. She brought my hand to her lips and kissed gently.

"And we couldn't be a family?" Santana said.

The woman's eyes went wide. She opened her mouth a few times but nothing came out. She turned around and I was pretty sure she wasn't going to look at us again.

Santana smirked and leaned back in her seat. She slowly turned to face me and that's when she noticed me staring at her. I think I had a big smile on my face because Santana's smile got huge.

"What?" She said through the smile.

I brushed a stray hair behind her ear. "You're just amazing." I said.

Santana smiled so wide I thought her lips were going to fall off.

The plane started to descend. Santana gasped and slammed her eyes shut again. She held my hand so tight but I didn't mind. I would never mind.


	22. 2 Saturday: Part II

**/* Author's Note: Sorry for the little hiatus. You guys reading keep me updating. Thanks to all of you out there! */**

"Hey!" I called through the apartment as I pushed open the door. Santana was still gasping for air at the top of the stairs.

I held the door open for Santana so she could drag her suitcase into my apartment.

"You could have warned me about the whole fourth floor walk up thing." Santana said over her shoulder.

"You would have just been mad about it, like you are right now." I said. I dropped my keys on the end table.

"I'm wouldn't have been mad. I just wouldn't have packed as much as I did, or anything at all." Santana said.

"But then you would have walked around New York naked. Like the cowboy." I said.

Santana smirked at me. "And you're complaining?" She wrapped her hands around my waist and pulled me in closer, leaning in for a kiss.

"Brittany?" A voice came out from the bathroom.

Santana jumped at the sound. I pulled away from her a little and looked over to the hallway.

"Becca?" I called.

"Hey!" Becca yelled back.

She finally poked her head out and then came out into the living room wrapped in a white towel. Her hair was wrapped too. She held a toothbrush in her mouth as she spoke.

"I just woke up. You missed the craziest party last night girl." She said.

She disappeared into the bathroom again. I heard her spit and gargle before she came back out. She glanced over at Santana who was standing behind me. I think Santana was trying to use me as a shield but Becca wasn't that scary. I stepped aside so Becca could hug Santana. Santana held her hands out before she hesitantly returned the hug. Carefully wrapper her hands around Becca's naked shoulders.

"Dang, Brittany. You're girl is smoking!" Becca said as she pulled from the hug and turned to face me.

Santana shifted her feet.

"So I gotta hear the deets." She said. She pulled our hands towards the couch and sat down on the chair across from us. I took the hint and pull Santana down on the couch next to me.

"Deets?" Santana asked.

"Deets. Details. I speak in abbrevs. You'll pick it up." She said. Becca spoke really fast. Becca always talked super quick when she was excited about something. I guess it was a good sigh that she was so excited to be meeting Santana.

Santana looked at me for help. I could only shrug in response. She'd get used to her. I knew she would. Becca was kind of like a Southern Rachel Berry.

_Wait._

_Oh God, Santana was going to hate her._

"Deeds about what?" I asked trying to divert some attention from Santana.

"Home, your old friends, you guys." Becca gestured between us.

Santana had a deer-in-headlights look on her face. I think she was surprised with how forward Becca was.

"I um-" I stuttered.

"Oh, its fine." She said. She stood up and headed to her room. She left the door open so we could still see and talk to her.

"We'll have plenty of time to catch up." She called out.

She unwrapped the towel from her body and threw it on the back of her desk chair. Santana's eyes went wide and she looked back at me. I had gotten used to this but I probably had the same look on my face the first few times she did it.

"I spoke to Simon." Becca said through the open door.

Now I felt my eyes go wide. I looked over at Santana. I don't know why I expected her to know who Simon was but of course she didn't. I never told her. She saw my reaction and raised an eyebrow at me.

"He's not happy that you gave up the lead choreographer position." Becca called through the shirt she was lifting over her head.

I felt Santana's whole body tense. "Lead Choreographer." Santana hissed.

I ignored her. I tried to think of a way to stop Becca from speaking. I hadn't explained this all to Santana yet. It's not that I hadn't planned on doing it. She was just still so on edge about this stuff.

Becca was dressed in shorts and a tight fitting t-shirt when she finally walked out. "He said you were perfect for the position. And then you just called him the day before it started and cancelled?" She said.

I had no choice but to talk about it now. I couldn't hide it or lie about it anymore.

"I couldn't come back yet." I said. I thought it was the right thing to say to get my point across but I could feel Santana tensing even more.

"Are you sure it has nothing to do with the history between you two?" Becca offered.

I let out a breath.

_Dammit Becca._

Becca's phone started to go off in her room. She ran to grab it and looked at the screen as she walked back into the living room.

"Shit." She said. "I'm totes late."

Becca gestured between me and Santana. "We're going to catch up later." She said before she left.

There was silence between us for a while. I think we were both checking to make sure Becca was really gone.

"Lead Choreographer?" Santana hissed again.

"Yeah." I said.

"Lead Choreographer?" Santana shouted as she rose to her feet. "Where?"

"A new play." I said. I paused at the next sentence I knew it would make her madder but I had to be honest. "On Broadway."

Santana folded her arms across her body and hugged herself. Her eyes were wet with tears but they looked so angry too. I'd never seen someone so very sad and so furious at the same time.

"Rehearsals started last week but since I wasn't around they had to get someone else." I added.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She said. Her voice was lower now but I could still hear it on edge. Ready to jump off and attack.

"Because it wasn't important." I said. I grimaced. Wrong words again.

She scoffed. "Of course its important Brittany."

"They'll be other jobs!" I said. Now I was standing too.

"But you had one. Now. And you just gave it up." She said.

She was so close to the edge now. I wanted to avoid fighting with her. I would do anything to make her not mad anymore.

"I gave it up to be with you." I answered.

"And that's the issue Brittany." Santana sighed and her voice lowered. "You shouldn't have to give stuff up for me."

"Santana." I took a step towards her and reached for her hand. "How many times do we have to do this? I couldn't just leave you, knowing what you've been through, what you've going through."

Santana sighed and looked up at me. She pulled her hand away from mine. "I've been handling it for a long time without you Brit. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold-"

"What would you have done if it were me?" I countered.

Santana locked eyes with me. I knew I got her. Her gaze drifted from my eyes and glanced all around my face like the perfect retort would be written there.

"That's the difference though isn't it?" Santana said. She spoke slowly, her voice barely above a whisper. "None of this- mess - would have happened to you."

She turned her back to me.

"Maybe you should be with people like Simon. People who are doing something with themselves and can get you your dream jobs." Santana said. I could barely hear her now that she had her back to me.

"Santana." I said warningly.

"No this isn't a fucking world's smallest violin, poor me speech." Santana said. She turned and looked at me with wet eyes. "You're right. If it were you being pulled down. I would do anything to save you. _Anything._ Even if that thing weighting you down was me."

"Santan-a?" My voice cracked at the end of her name. She didn't mean what I thought she meant. She couldn't.

She was already pulling open the door before I could think of anything else to say.

"Santana wait." I called to her. But she didn't answer. She stepped through the door and closed it behind her. I listened to the echoes of her heels get smaller and smaller until they we gone.


	23. 2 Saturday: Part III

I knew it had been hours since Santana had left. I kept waiting for her to come back. I knew she hadn't flown back to Ohio since her bags were still here. She wouldn't just leave. Right?

I kept thinking about the conversation I had with Quinn when we got coffee. She had said Santana didn't think she was good enough to be with me, I had almost laughed when I first heard it. It was ridiculous. Of course Santana didn't think that. I never thought that, why would she?

But then the more I thought about what Quinn had said the more sense it started to make. Everyone had always expected so much from Santana. Too much. Her dad pressured her to keep her grades up, to be at the top of our class. He wanted her to do what he did and head straight into an Ivy League school. He didn't really bother to ask her if that's what she really wanted. Her mom wanted her to be perfect, in almost every single way. Santana's mom asked, "Are you really going to eat that?" So many times that even _I_ felt guilty about eating junk food in her house.

Santana didn't like studying as much as Quinn but she was the smartest person I have ever known. She not only understood everything but she could explain it all to me in a way that the teachers and the textbooks never could. I could always tell when Santana was trying to impress her dad. She would lock herself in her room for a weekend and come out miserable and cranky. She didn't like cooping herself up with books and papers and theories when she could be at parties or watching movies with me. But her dad wanted it, and even though she hated it she tried anyway, for him.

She was already so gorgeous. Like take your breath away gorgeous. There was nothing that needed to change. But her mom always told her how she would look so pretty if she wore her hair like this or if she walked a certain way more boys would like her. Santana had this smile, this amazing chipmunk smile that would go all the way up to her eyes and her cheeks would puff up. It was my favorite smile. She didn't smile like that often especially after the time her mother pinched her cheeks and said that you couldn't pass it off as baby fat when you were sixteen. Santana shouldn't have listened. She didn't need to lose weight or change anything about herself. I told her that but Santana wanted to make her mom happy and even though no one can be she wanted to be perfect for her mother, so Santana tried to be perfect anyway.

I remember our first kiss. Well I guess not our first peck on the lips kiss but the first long type of kissing where you just keep your lips attached forever and that still feels like it wasn't long enough. It was in my bedroom.

_Santana was sitting on my bed reading her chemistry book. We were in the same class and it was super hard. I knew her dad was pressuring her and she was stressed because she was doing this clicking thing with her tongue she does only when she's overwhelmed. She didn't even respond to my questions, she would just grunt or hum in response. _

_"Santana." I whispered. I glanced over at my bedroom door to make sure it was closed. It was._

_I grabbed Santana's book and threw it on the floor. _

_"Brittany." She huffed. She finally looked up at me. She was frowning. She had always been frowning lately. _

_"You're going to like, break your brain." I said. I crawled across her bed until our knees were touching._

_"Brit, I need to study." She reached down to grab her book but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back up to the bed._

_Santana froze at my touch. It was this weird affect I had on her. Anytime I ever ran my arm up and down hers when she was upset I could felt the tension instantly ease in her muscles. _

_After I felt her body ease I reached out and cupped her face. _

_"You're stressing yourself out." I said. "You're perfect and you're the smartest person I know." Even then I could feel the tension in her face but this time I didn't think I could ease it._

_Santana frowned. "I'm fine Brit." She lied. It was the lie she always told me when she was the opposite of fine and didn't want me to worry about her. It never worked. I would always worry about her. _

_I don't know why I did it. I just wanted her to feel better. I wanted her to never frown again and for some reason I knew this could help fix it. I just knew it would. I leaned in and swallowed her bottom lip. Before this we had only pecked on the lips or on the cheek but we never kissed like this, and we never held them together as long as we did. _

_I felt Santana's body jump and tense again from the shock of my lips but I didn't move. I kept my lips steady against her frozen ones. It paid off because after a few seconds I could feel her ease into the kiss. She started to kiss me back. She brought her hands up to my waist as we fell back against the bed. My kisses grew and deepened in intensity. She let out a soft moan into my lips. I took the opportunity to push my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue met mine as her hands ran up and tangled in my hair. As we kissed there on the bed I could feel her anxiety easing with every smack of our lips. _

_We didn't stop until my mom called up down for dinner. Santana gave me one last quick peck before we linked pinkies and walked downstairs together._

Santana stopped letting her dad get to her after that. I never asked her why, she probably wouldn't have told me anyway.

The anxiety over her dad stopped, mostly, but our kissing only intensified. We stopped needing reasons to kiss. We weren't sad or lonely or saying goodbye. We just wanted to kiss each other. So we did.

_A few months later we were at her house for our weekly pizza and movies night. Her mom was heading out to a company party when she passed us in the hallway. _

_"Oh Santana, do you really need anymore pizza?" She said._

_I saw Santana's whole body deflate. She carried the box up the stairs to her bedroom and handed me the plates before telling me she wasn't very hungry. _

_"Santana, your body is perfect." I said. _

_Santana looked down at the carpet._

_"No, I mean it." I said. I leaned forward and peaked her lips before she could respond. _

_She looked up, her lips curved upwards in a subtle smile. "Thanks." _

_She stood up off the floor and plopped down on her bed, she fingered through one of the magazines we had left on there. "I really am not that hungry." _

_I stood up and sat next to her on the bed. "Santana." I pulled the magazine from her hands and placed it on the side of the bed so she'd look at me. _

_I brought my lips to hers. It took her a second to react to my kisses but when she did she cupped my face and slid her tongue against my bottom lip. I looped my leg around hers and straddled her, making sure our lips never separated. _

_I reached the bottom of her shirt and started to pull it up. She grabbed my wrists to stop me._

_"What are you doing?" She gasped._

_I met her wide eyes. _

_"Do you trust me?" I asked. _

_Her eyes narrowed but she nodded, her grip on my wrists released. I gently pulled the shirt up over her head. She shivered but I think it had more to do with the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra then from the cold. I could feel the shakiness in her lips before I pulled away from her mouth and trailed slow, gentle kisses from her jawline and down to her collarbone and then back up again. _

_Her hands had been steadied at my waist but now they trailed up and down my back as she let out soft moans. I started to trail kisses down her body, kissing between her breasts. I wanted to do more there but as much as I wanted to comfort Santana, I was scared too. I pulled up from my kisses to finally take in the body I had been so eagerly kissing. I knew I wasn't lying to Santana when I told her that she had a beautiful body, I had seen glimpses of her in the locker room before but I had never looked down at her like this. Her hair was flowing to the side of the pillow. Her chest was raising and falling as she took heavy breaths. And the way she was looking at me. She has this smile on her face. It wasn't quite the chipmunk smile, it was a new smile, and for some reason I knew that smile was just for me. I ran my hands over her flat stomach and grinned at her before I leaned down in for more kisses. _

_She moaned louder this time and arched her back into my kisses. My lips let out little smacks as I kissed and then swallowed the skin of her stomach. _

I didn't know where we were going with that. I'm not sure where it would have went if her dad didn't come home ten minutes later but I knew I could have kissed every inch of her body forever if she that's what she wanted me to do.

After that, her mom's little passive aggressive comments didn't have as much as an effect on her as they used to. Santana would just look at me and all she would need was a reassuring smile and her shoulders would inflate again.

After years of watching Santana being miserable while trying to keep everyone else happy it was great to finally see her doing things for herself. She was happy and she was smiling more than ever. Then something changed. It was sudden, almost overnight like someone had turned on a little switch in Santana's head.

She was distant over the summer and suddenly she was back as school with breast implants. She told me she got them for herself but that didn't make sense. _She_ didn't really get anything out of them besides pain and having to sleep on her back for a while. She didn't seem happy anymore, even after her implants, her smiles seemed skittish if I looked at them to quickly they would run away and turn to frowns before I could catch them. She was nervous and stressed and I knew she was trying to keep someone else happy again. I was mad at this person. I didn't even know who they were, maybe it was her mom or her dad or maybe even her abuela but I hated Santana feeling like she needed to change it. She didn't need to change because she was absolutely perfect.

I suddenly realized that Quinn was right. All the pressure her parents put on her, its been programed in her, except now she's the one putting pressure on herself-

-and it was all because of me.

**/* Author's Note: Sorry for the Delay in the update I've actually been working on some cool little project that I think you guys will like. Thanks to all that Read, Review and Follow! :) */**


	24. 2 Saturday Part IV

I ran out of the apartment and jumped down the last couple of steps. There was a place Santana and I always went.

She always pretended like she hated children but every time she visited we would always find ourselves sitting on the bench across from the little playgrounds that all the parks seemed to have. She also used to pretend she wasn't watching all the little kids climb the monkey bars or swing or play tag but I would hear her gasp a little when a toddler fell and started to cry or when the toddler was pushed by one of the bigger kids.

I knew that's where I would find her.

There was a park that we walked by on our way back from the airport. She had craned her head when we walked past. I knew she was looking for a playground and I knew she found it because I saw a cute little smile creep across her face.

It was a warm summer day so there were plenty of children laughing and screaming as I walked up.

I found Santana sitting in the usual bench directly across from the playground entrance. She wasn't watching the children this time though, she was just sitting with her elbows on her knees and staring down at something in her hand. I squinted my eyes but I could only make out a plastic bag with some sort of writing on it.

The bench creaked when I sat down next to Santana. She didn't look up at me but I could tell she knew it was me because I felt her shoulders tense.

"Hey." I said. I eased my back against the bench and watched her fiddle with the bag between her fingers.

She nodded in my direction but she didn't lift her head up or say anything. I was starting to wonder if she could talk at all. This mood she was worrying me. We rarely fought when we were together but when we did we couldn't stay mad at each other for very long and Santana wouldn't have stayed away and made me worry like she had just because of a fight. Something was wrong.

I looked down at the bag in her hands. I could read the writing now. It was one of those evidence bags I always would see on those cop shows. I couldn't hold back the gasp in my throat.

"Santana is that the-the-" I couldn't finish the sentence.

Santana nodded slowly. " I went to the police station. They showed me this binder of photos." She didn't look up at me. "I thought that maybe I could get everything taken care of-and find him and get him and be strong again." A little silent tear fell down her check.

"Santana-." I started.

"But I couldn't find him in the pictures. I'm not sure if he was in there or if I just didn't remember his face because it was dark and I- I – I just stared at all of the pictures hoping to recognize something. And I kept looking and I kept looking but I couldn't-. Then they made me sign forms and gave me this stupid fucking ring back."

She let out a harsh laugh as she held the ring up to me. It sparkled dully in the low light of the setting sun. Through the thin plastic I could make out nicks and notches in the precious metal and I think I saw a stone missing.

"Some chick had been wearing it all this fucking time. Until she tried to pawn it after she had a fight with her soon-to-be-ex husband." Santana let out another harsh laugh. The sounds made my insides crawl. I have never seen Santana like this before. It scared me.

"Santana-" I pleaded. I was begging her to stop, to stop torturing herself, to stop talking like this.

"Brittany." She mimicked my pleading tone and looked up at me. "That was two hours ago, the police station. I left there two hours ago. And now I've been sitting here trying to talk myself out of buying something, getting something to make this pain go away."

She looked up at me. I did everything I could to hide the look on my face. I didn't want her to know how terrified I was.

"But that should be you. Shouldn't it?" She looked back down at evidence bag and rolled the ring through the plastic. "I have you. So why do I still feel like I need that shit?" She let out a huff of air and buried her face into the palms of her hands.

"This was all supposed to be so perfect." Santana mumbled through her hands. "I tried so hard to make it perfect-" She wiped at her eyes. "-for you."

"Santana, I don't need anything to be perfect." I grabbed her wrists and gently pulled her hands away from her face and forced her to look at me.

"Everything has fallen apart, Brit." Santana said. Her eyes locked on mine. "I'm so scared I won't be able to get my shit together. I feel s-so broken."

"Santana." I said. I closed my hands around hers. I felt the ring imprint in my palm as I squeezed her hand tighter. She kept her eyes locked on mine. "Do you remember when I first moved into the city and you came with me to help me get settled in?"

Santana cocked an eyebrow before she slowly nodded.

"And remember when we went to Ikea and bought all that furniture?" I said.

She nodded again.

"I remember being so amazed that they could fit a table and chairs into four tiny little boxes. But you were just mad that they didn't have a service to put it together for me. So instead you bought a bottle of wine and we spend all night trying to put the things together."

Santana nodded along to the story. I knew she was listening carefully, trying to figure out where this was all going.

"And I learned that I follow those Ikea instructions without words better than you do." I said.

Santana snorted a little exasperated laugh.

"And I also learned that you sometimes throw tools when you get frustrated and that it's probably a bad idea to build furniture and drink wine." I said. I pulled Santana's hand into my lap. "But if that table didn't come in a bunch of little pieces I wouldn't have learned all those things. And yes we probably are bad at putting furniture together because the table was super lopsided and my cereal kept spilling in the morning…but that's not the important part. The important thing is I know how to put a table together and chairs and when they break, I'll put them back together again and it'll be stronger this time because now I'm way better at putting stuff together. And also because I discovered this stuff called Gorilla Glue and I'm going to use it next time because its friggin' awesome, Santana."

Santana let out a little laugh.

"Now come on." I stood up and pulled Santana onto her feet and into a hug. "We have somewhere to be and we're going to be late."

"What? Where?" Santana pulled back and looked up at me.

"Just trust me." I grabbed her hand and linked our fingers before I led her out of the park.

**/*Author's Note: As Always thanks to those that read and review and follow/favorite. Love you guys! Also I'm giving you a quick update because I wrote this and the previous part together so I might as well give it to you! :)*/**


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